On Completing Simbanggabi

I only have tonight’s anticipated mass to attend to complete the nine-day novena mass for the first time ever.

Some say though that technically I won’t be able to complete the Simbanggabi this year. I wasn’t able to attend the anticipated mass for the fourth one because our volunteers’ party and I wasn’t able to wake up for the actual dawn one. Instead, I attended the regular Sunday mass. Keeping the dawn tradition in mind, then I’d have to agree with them and surrender to the fact that I technically did not complete Simbanggabi this year.

However, if we peel off the dawn mass tradition and just see it as a 9-day novena in preparation for Christmas, then I have completed the said novena. I don’t really care if I won’t complete it based on such technicality and that I won’t be able to get my supposed wish to come true. I know He won’t grant my wish if only for the dawn mass I did not attend. Besides, there’s a certain aspect to my wishes that I do know He’ll grant it no matter what. ☺

Sometimes, despite having the best of intentions, we fall short of expectations and supposedly commit blunders because of technicalities and trivialities when they shouldn’t matter in the first place. In such times, maybe we should look beyond the shallowness and see a person’s true intentions and the goodness of one’s actions.

One missed dawn mass does not make one’s intention or deed less real. As long as the motivation to pursue the good is there, the trivial things would not matter.

A Stumble to Convince

We cannot escape the truth. No matter how much we like it or not and how hard we try to fight the inevitable, destiny will still run its course. Thus, anticipating and eventually accepting the inevitable seems always the most plausible option.

But sometimes, when we have conceived our idea of the inevitable and convinced ourselves of it, life lets us stumble on people, things or events which lead us rethink our own forecast of the inevitable. A friendly nudge, so to speak.

Believing that nothing is merely coincidental, I often loosen my grip on my perception of the inevitable and open myself to the previously overlooked possibility. Though in limbo between the sorrowful comfort of acceptance and the chancy adventure that is hope, I am blessed to realize that anything can happen and will happen if it’s meant to happen.

My desired inevitable shall only happen if I both accept and hope at the same time. If I use what I currently have right now and pursue the thing I hope for, chances are I’ll be much closer to my desired inevitable. And who does not want to reach that, right?

Recently, I have almost come to terms with the fact that I probably am meant to be alone. But happy, of course. Yet, more recently, life has showed me through a blog, a fictional character and being reminded of a film I watched last year, that somehow and somewhere, the elusive thing I am looking for exists.

I just have to have the courage, openness and hope to find it.

In Response to Monch's 08/07/06 entry (Turnback Tuesday)

From now on, Blast from the Past entries shall be posted on Tuesdays and shall now be known as Turnback Tuesday. For this week, I decided to borrow an entry from my livejournal. One of the few pearls in a sea of rants and suicidal messages. Forgive me if I cannot properly cite my sources for this entry. I cannot remember Monch's circa 2006 blogsite anymore. Anyway, enjoy!

I wanted to comment on his entry but i just could not limit myself to posting a mere comment. Here's the excerpt:

I’m just beginning to ask myself: is there a limit in loving (or at least infatuation)? I guess when we push ourselves too much, when we give it our all and when we just don’t suppress that feeling even if it has to be suppressed, we may think that the limit does not exist. But then, we realize after some time that there is a limit to such foolishness. We realize a lot of new things about the other party, we learn new stuff, we get to know each other better, we get involved in a lot of petty pointless fights, we feel the bitterness, we feel the pain, we experience the pain. And after all these, we get tired that we simply just want to forget everything and leave it all behind.

In my opinion, loving someone does not know any limits. Foolish acts and foolish things at they may seem, these are but just manifestations of that kind of love you ought to give. The realizations and pain are parts of the process that we get involved in once we decide to create something special with someone else. Yes, the case could be the one of being bitter, tired and painful but is that all that one can react to such unfortunate events in one's relation with the other?

I guess not. Walking away feeling bitter from somebody you thought you love is a sign that indeed the love that you have isn't that true. Love isn't bitter. It is forgiving and understanding.

Leaving it all behind without the bitterness and pain points to a more genuine form of love. If you really love somebody, then you should learn to let go of that somebody if you believe that it's the better choice for the both of you. of course, pain is inevitable but if you possess such a genuine kind of love, then the searing pain would eventually go away.

So does that stop you from loving someone? Is that the limit, for me, the excerpt is trying to express? I guess not. One of the most ultimate forms of love is loving even if somebody has gone away from you. Sacrificing your own happiness and satisfaction just to see the person you love somewhat happier with the new life you have given to him or her. Of course, the new chapter does not merit you to totally forget about the love you have for that person. Loving him or her still just as you do before shows the genuine love you have for that person. It is a love which transcends boundaries and survives even the most difficult situations in our lifetime.

Letting go of someone is part of loving that someone. And loving should not stop there. Even if you have parted ways, the love you had before should still be there and always be there till the end of time.

A love that endures time, transcends limitations and takes absence for presence is a rare kind of love one should cherish.

I bet you think this blog is about you

To those who personally know me, how many times do you think I have written an entry because of you? If you answer more than once then I bet you think this blog is about you.

However, it’s definitely not the case because I haven’t had anyone single-handedly influencing an entry. Sorry, folks!

Before this entry shatters your fantasy, I’d like to tell you that such idea and behavior are normal. When we read, the phrases and paragraphs that capture our attention the most are the ones which seem to speak to us the most. We adapt the material to our own needs in order that it makes the most sense to us. Think of horoscope. It’s something written for general audience but it seems to speak only to you when you interpret it.

Sometimes, we even go beyond and have the illusion that such article was written especially because of us. An exaggeration of the Spotlight Effect, belief that others are paying more attention to one’s appearance and behavior than they really are (David Myers). Bluntly, it could be read as others don’t care about you and your life as much as you do and believe them to do. Face it, Tan, not everyone is as interested in yourself as much as you are. Face it, honey, not everyone is as interested in yourself as much as you are.

Thus, take everything with a grain of salt unless the article blatantly states that it’s especially written for you. Reflect on how appropriate, valuable and valid your realizations are before you follow through.

To end on a positive note, in a way, veering ourselves away from the perils of Spotlight Effect liberates us. Such insight empowers us to focus on what we really want and pursue our own look and actions without becoming conscious of what others would say or feel. Of course, only to an extent still respectful, sensitive and non-injurious of others.

And yes, for once, that entry was about you.

A Mathematical Pitfall to Avoid

Quick exercise: Would these pickup lines land you a date?

My love for you is like dividing by zero…it’s undefined.

You must be sin squared, because I'm cosine squared and together we equal one.

I love you like pi…it’s neverending.

Whatever your answer is and no matter how nerdy and sometimes bizarre their lovechild lines seem to be, you cannot deny that the language of math can be used to express one’s love and admiration.

However, infusing math in relationships does not always yield a peculiar yet pleasant solution. If there’s one thing we’d need to avoid, it’s quantifying the time and effort we spend in loving someone.

For those who have had or are currently in a relationship, there has probably come a time when you asked yourself if your partner gives the same amount of commitment as you do. A definite question to avoid since it potently leads to resentment. For most if not all of the time, somebody shows his/her love more and the other shows his/her love less. Very rarely that people show the same amount of love.

Measuring our relationships then could only lead us to taint the love we share and possibly its end. Instead, we should center our relationship on why we love in the first place, its raison d'être or reason for being. Love knows no numbers.

Thus, forget the number of times you have/have missed hugs, kisses and sweet exchanges because, as the song goes, what matters most is that you love and you are loved.

And in the end, that is all that will matter.

The Most Brave

What do these actions all have in common?

To surrender

To admit defeat

To admit that you’re scared

To avoid the risk

To call for help

Aren’t they all heavily-associated with cowardice? And in a world where the brave are esteemed highly, engaging in such actions proves to be a proverbial suicide. The brave may not live long but the cautious does not live at all, as a saying goes.

Before this entry becomes an assault of supposedly cowardly actions, I would like you to clear your mind first of any prejudice against these actions and any person/s you’ve branded as a coward. Closed-mindedness reflects cowardice too, you know. But that’s another entry altogether.

Seemingly cowardly actions do not always equate to cowardice. Matter of fact, they sometimes display a brand of bravery we often most overlook. Being brave doesn’t only include facing things head on, being afraid of nothing, taking the risk or doing things chivalrously alone. It also includes surrendering when it’s the most appropriate thing to do and admitting to your own shortcomings.

Sometimes, the bravest thing to do is to admit defeat or fear. Such action doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a coward. It just means that you know that it’s the best course of action to take.

The most brave are those who know that they are human. They are well-aware of their weaknesses and need for others and know that not all battles could be won. They are not afraid of fear, defeat and support. They even embrace their being human and use their experience to have a better grasp of what bravery entails.

Thus, the brave, despite occasional admittance of fear and defeat, do live long while the coward, who believes himself as brave, may not live long and does not live at all.

Simply Simple

I passed by a prominent international brand’s boutique last Sunday and their window display caught my attention. Actually, I was just waiting for my mother to finish her Christmas Carol CD purchase and the boutique was just beside the record shop.

With nothing better to do, I channeled my inner (supposed) fashionista and decided to critique the three photos in the display. One photo was all about colors as the model wore different shades of the rainbow from head to toe. I guess the photographer wanted the colors’ dynamics to evoke inspiration. Sadly, it seemed over the top and left me uninspired. However, the other two photos were simply showed models fashionably clad. Though simpler, they left me with a positive vibe. Even though the photos were simple, they made me want to buy their jackets if only I had more money.

The verdict then: less is more.

I have always been a fan of the minimal and the un-fancy. You don’t need to be elaborate to evoke your desired outcome. You just have to make sure that all the essential elements are there and they all work and contribute to the accomplishment of your goal. Sometimes, the simple even works better than the elaborate since only the essential remain. The simple simply achieves.

Such experience highlights the need for us to be simple and live simply. When we dispose all the unnecessary clutter in our lives and only the essential remain, only then will we begin to fully realize what it is to be human.

It’s that simple.

The Stupidest Person Ever (Blast from Past)

Have you ever experienced shouting at a game show contestant while watching television? You shout at the contestant because you think he or she is either too dumb or too nervous to answer the correct one. And often the contestant reasons out, "Iba pala talaga pag totoo na." and you cringe at his or her excuses for they should still know the answer despite being nervous and all. But to tell you the truth, being on the actual thing is really nerve-wracking especially if too much is at stake. Think of the difference of being in a mock test and being in the actual examination. Isn't it way nerve-wracking to be in the exam?Often, game shows not only offer money but also the reputation of being good or something. So we shouldn't really blame people for not knowing the right answer because it's a whole new ballgame out there.

A similar thing to this is the act of giving advice. I mean when someone asks you to help them out with a problem (some mostly about his or her...ehem...love life...ehem...) most often than not you tell things that do logically mean something and are often the best ways possible out of the problem but the person who asked for advice just can't follow. And you get mad at him or her for being so stupid because you've already given the best ways out and the person won't follow because there's something inside them which pulls them back and tells them not to listen to you. And you'd call him or her the stupidest person ever.

But all of it comes back to bite you because you'd sometimes also act tht way. Before, I just really can't figure out why it's so hard to follow people's advice. All the logical bullshit and best ways out you'd tell are just thrown out the window. You are the stupidest person ever you'd call the person who asked advice from you.

Why can't a person follow all the logical stuff and advice he'd say? Simple.

The heart.

The heart often fights off all the logic and establishes what it wants. Often the heart doesn't agree with the head because the heart doesn't believe in logic. It believes and lives in emotion. Human emotion. Something which logic could not always explain. The heart wants its way even if logic doesn't allow.

The heart is that one force which moves someone to do things out of logic and do things beyond acceptable reasons.

And when the heart rules, you won't care even if you're called the stupidest person ever.

Nobody Said It was Easy

Quick exercise: When somebody wrongs you, would you immediately seek revenge or would you forgive him/her? Would you doubt his sincerity from then on or would you trust him/her again?

Of course, forgiving and trusting are the right answers for the exercise. But when the real deal comes along, would its correctness be as obvious? I doubt it especially after being hurt.

Forgiving and trusting are just two of the many obvious choices on paper which seem miles more difficult to carry out in reality. Thus, the golden question, “How come the rightful thing to do is usually the more difficult thing to do?”

Here are my two cents.

Imagine living in a world where we don’t struggle to do the right. Though the struggle is gone, the tradeoff would be the disintegration of depth and insight experience has to offer. Since the right is immediately crystal clear, the confusion and the struggle that humanizes the process get eradicated. As such, our insight accordingly gets strained.

On the contrary, the struggle, the difficulty and the confusion all render the ensuing experience richer of meaning and insight. We’d remember insights associated with experience better because we involved ourselves with the experience every step of the way.

Without it, we would have a much more difficult time realizing what makes living worthwhile. As such, we would not be able to live the kind of life we’re meant to live if we don’t struggle and choose to do the right thing no matter how difficult it seems to be.

We should then be grateful for the struggle that we have whenever faced with the aforementioned dilemma. Though such struggle starkly characterizes our being human, it also serves as our means to realize who we are and optimistically, transcend our own humanity.

Nobody said it was easy but those who have succeeded have said it was all worth it.

Want to Know One of Fashion's Best-Kept Secrets?

It’s the helmet!

Haven’t you noticed? A lot of people wear it! They wear the helmet for comfort and protection. Even if that same comfort and protection sometimes causes them the misery they have lately been wallowing in.

Despite the misery they experience, their friends’ advice (and sometimes even desperate pleas), and the obviousness of a situation’s consequences and solution, but helmets still cling to the status quo and refuse to initiate much needed change to situation. They choose to linger in such state. Thus, the perpetuation of a depressing cycle of disillusionment, distress, disobedience, desperation, denial and despair.

Such situation would actually be fair and tolerable if only the helmeted people suffer because quite frankly, they deserve it. But it becomes unfair and intolerable when friends and family get sucked into the sorrow.

You try to help a helmet by hearing their story out, comforting them and giving them the most plausible advice only for them to shoot you down and throw all reason out the window. And sometimes, it’s them who ask for advice! It gets frustrating and tiring, you know!

The only advice I could give helmets is for them to remove their helmet and really listen. Your friends may give you the best advice in the world and may try to yank your helmet off just so you could listen. But all these would not work if you don’t remove your helmet yourself. It may seem difficult at first, but trust me, it’s painless and serves as the initial step towards liberating yourself from the people/things that constantly keep you down.

Trust me. I was a helmet two years ago.

The Sweetness of Doing Nothing

Here’s another Eat Pray Love related entry.

Some time between savoring the cuisine and the fervor of the Italian life, Liz accompanied her friends to the barbershop where she learned a saccharine Italian phrase. Il Dolce Far Niente. Or in English, The Sweetness of Doing Nothing.

A probable question comes to mind. How can doing nothing be so sweet? How can it be rewarding when you don’t do anything at all? Some might even pronounce it idiotic, slothful or self-indulgent.

Such reaction is expected given that today’s fast-paced world seemingly demands the constant need to do something. Or even to multi-task. Thus, when immersed in a situation demanding us to slow down or even do nothing, we become restless instead of becoming relaxed. Quite ironic, I suppose.

But keeping pace with a fast-paced life warrants slowing down and doing nothing. In times when we don’t need to do anything, we have the luxury of savoring life through our senses, keeping in touch with our inner selves and reflecting on our lives. As you can see, we don’t necessarily do nothing when we do nothing. We become more attuned to ourselves, appreciate the life that we have and hopefully accelerate to full throttle once again.

And so my dear reader, I invite you to follow Liz’ footsteps and savor the sweetness of doing nothing. You’ll be surprised at how much doing nothing helps you speed up. Ciao!

A Few Seconds to a Happier (and Crazier?) You

I’ll let you in on a little secret.

Sometimes, I look in the mirror and just smile at myself to feel happier.

I know it oozes with craziness and borders narcissism but please hear me out.

Generally, attitude follows behavior. How we conduct ourselves affect how we view and feel about ourselves. If you engage in activities which stimulate your happy self, then you’ll definitely feel happier.

Physically mimic the action corresponding to happiness is probably the simplest way to help yourself become happier. Thus, it all begins with a smile. Actually, looking in the mirror provides additional visual stimuli to ease the happiness harvest. We smile when we see something pleasant right? Now, who honestly does not think s/he looks beautiful or pleasant at the least?

Seeing yourself smile would then lead you to think happier thoughts and feel better about yourself. You might even want to break out in song or dance just so you’d be able to continue your streak of happiness. Trust me, during this simple exercise, a refreshing rush runs through you filling every inch of you with glee.

Smiling in the mirror, however egotistical it sounds, points to the phenomenon that happiness happens when a person pursues it. Happiness does not come from the external but it starts within. Though sometimes we’ll need other things or people to generate, all of these would not work if we do not want it ourselves. Thus, the first step towards happiness always rests in our initiative to desire happiness. A simple desire, if cultivated with care, would eventually leave us with delight or even ecstasy.

Still not convinced? Afraid of looking crazy? Why not try it for yourself? Looking crazy won’t matter when you’ve become happier.

Now let loose, look in the mirror, smile to yourself and holler happiness! ☺

The Only Thing I Remember from my Trigonometry Teacher

Some people just have the capacity to be plain rude.

Case and point one: While in the jeep on my way home, rude girl who is seated directly behind the driver just nonchalantly texts on her cellphone and ignores Another Passenger who’s directly handing her payment for rude girl to pass to the driver. I had to extend my long arms to reach for Another Passenger’s payment so that it’d be handed to the driver. And of course, this happened twice.

Rant: Who the hell are you to not extend your hand out? Let’s just cut your arms off so that you’d have a reason not to help someone out.

Case and point two: I went to Starbucks to buy some drink. On the way in, I saw only customer A in front of the counter and rude man go to the counter then walk away again to his table. Thus, when I arrived at the counter, I was next in line after customer A. Lo and behold after customer A finishes his order, rude man enters through the exit and pronounces that he was there first so baristas should serve him first. Good thing, I’m chummy with the baristas and they serve me first. Whilst rude man was about to throw a hissy fit actually. But I did not care. Sucks to be rude man.

Rant: Who the hell are you to cut lines? Did we sneak in to get ahead of you just as you are getting ahead of us? Why can’t you just wait for your effing turn?

After the mini-rants (which I am very much trying to avoid), all I would like to ask from people is for them to have manners. Please. Remember the golden rule: don’t do unto others what you want to do unto them. Thus, don’t cut corners if you don’t want to be cut.

Speaking of corners and cutting, I remember my 4th year Trigonometry teacher, Mr. Fragante. In between radians, cotangents and looking like he’s just had a drink everyday, he gave us wisdom one fateful senior high school day.

He asked us why we shouldn’t cut corners. Perplexed by his question, we told him we had no idea. Thus, he drew a square on the board and after showing it to us, he sliced triangle-shapes off the corners. The square looked like an octagon. And he then the light of wisdom befell us, “because you only create more corners.” Just wow! I think we even applauded right after for his sheer wisdom and brilliance. And for that, we forever remember him. And his drunken look of course! Kidding!

But it does make sense. Cutting corners will only create more corners that need to be hurdled. And continuously cutting corners would only perpetuate and even worsen the vicious cycle. Instead of settling anything, you settle nothing.

Thus, wait in line, help another passenger pay his/her ride and be fair in everything you do. It’s not as difficult as it sounds or how society’s ills make it out to be. You just got to try it and live by it.

Building on Mr. Fragante’s words, the person who will have the most difficult time when you cut corners is the person who creates more corners for his/her sorry self.

The Person I Forget the Most to Forgive

I just watched Eat, Pray, Love three nights ago. The first thing that came to mind after the movie was that I’d also want to have my own similar journey! Top of my head, the countries I’d be going to are Brazil, Kenya and Greece. Chile and Spain are alternates. But of course, I have to amass a fortune first before fulfilling my dreams of having my own Eat, Pray, Love series.

The movie also appealed to me probably because it spoke of self-discovery/self-rediscovery. I believe I’m experiencing a much more inexpensive version of my own. Despite the busy schedule, I have come to terms with ghosts of my past and have achieved a sense of peace inside me. I hope this lasts long. I will work for it.

One of the scenes that left me teary-eyed was when Richard eventually opened up to Liz in India. Richard advised Liz to forgive herself. I took that as him also asking me to forgive myself as well.

I have always been hard on myself. It has been easier for me to forgive others of their wrongdoing than to forgive myself of my own shortcomings. It probably comes from my belief that I have adequate control over the things that happen to me. Thus, I have this illusion that I am responsible for everything awful that has happened to me.

Thus, that scene has made me realize that I need to become more lenient with myself. I need to forgive myself as well. I am young and I still have a lot to learn about the world before me. I may have stumbled quite a few times. I may have majorly tripped along the way as well. But we all go through our own trials, right? As always, it’s not how you fall but how you rise up and become better.

Rising up begins only with forgiveness. And that includes forgiving yourself.

One of my wishes this Christmas is that you find the courage and openness to forgive others and yourself. Hopefully, as a new year begins by the end of the month, you have completely forgiven yourself of past disappointments so that the year begins fresher and lighter!

The Unbearable Lengthiness of my Entries

I finally had the chance to celebrate my birthday with my friends by having dinner at Uncle Cheffy Eastwood last Saturday. It’s the first time I have seen most of them in weeks. Some, even in months. Anyway, the ribs, seafood and panizza were all great. But as always, the best thing about the night was the company of friends. Staying in Eastwood until 2am still didn’t seem enough for all the stories and the laughter. Hopefully, Christmas party comes sooner than we expect it!

Anyway, Ralf asked me how come my entries are long. And sometimes, even hard to read, I inferred. Haha. He said that it doesn’t quite appeal to the current reader since they are more used to witty one-liners or photoblogs especially with the emergence of one-stop multimedia-enhanced blog sites.

I told them that I consciously veered away from such sites knowing the pressure to conform and satisfy the common format. I chose old-school blogging because I have been accustomed with it for the past five or so years of my life. I want the entries’ thoughts to really become my site’s focal point. Thus, my “no frills, pure writing” blog.

Thinking more about Ralf’s question, I came up with another reason: My communication skills rest on a cornucopia of run-on and verbose sentences and my sheer inability at editing my thoughts. Thus, I speak the length of my train of thought which often results to lengthy and often incomprehensible bursts of words. Of course, there’s my conscious effort to heed the call of succinctness which may be proven by recent entry reductions in terms of amount of words. An average of 560 words for 11/24-25 entries versus 310 for 11/28-29 entries. However, I am still a work in progress. Also, this entry will most probably be an exception in the meantime though.

Going beyond proving that I treat this little corner as my personal commitment to help other people help themselves, I also perceive my site as an avenue and motivation for people to flesh out their thoughts and converse as well. Though one-liners may pack the punch of clever and wit, it often lacks the conversation-like feel of fleshed out blog entries. We are bedazzled but are we inspired?

I certainly do hope that, even though you’ve often probably come to the end of an entry with “WTH was he talking about?” in your mind, you’d still bear with me and my lengthy entries. I hope that the entries stimulate. you to reflect on your life and realize the essential things. May it also challenge you to not settle for one-line wonders but labor through lengthy troves where scores of treasures abound.

Tip the Scale and Balance

What is the first image that comes to your mind when you hear the word balance? Okay, you probably have one now but hold that a few seconds longer.

One of the recent themes recurring in my life is this idea of balance. The tarot card reading mentioned it, it was sort of discussed last Saturday at my long overdue birthday dinner and my DVD experience last night also devoted some time to it. I guess it’s time for me to think about what it means to live a balanced life.

Now let’s go back to our little exercise. If you thought of 50-50 or balance scales or anything depicting equilibrium then we’re probably the same wavelength. (Although not sure if that’s good or bad for you. Haha.)

However, from my recent musings, I have realized that balance does not necessarily translate to 50-50 or even 25-25-25-25. Matter of fact, It seldom does. We may devote more time for family, work or even ourselves and we could still be living a balanced life.

Balance varies for everyone. It may be 20% work -70% self – 10% family for you and 80% work-20% family for me and all the other possible combinations for everyone. But as long as we all feel the tranquility and contentment that comes with living our own supposed balanced life, then it does not matter what combination it takes to achieve it. The end definitely justify the means in this situation. We define our own balance.

Thus, I’d like you to reflect on your concept of balance and observe if you’re living it out. If not, seek to adjust accordingly. Remember that balance or stability has always come out of chaos and instability. Nobody lives and perceives that s/he lives a balanced life without the struggle of constant adjustment. Besides, the contentment that comes along is so much worth all of it.

A brief reminder before I end. Remember though that we constantly change and that the balance we need today may not be the balance we need tomorrow. Thus, we should always reflect on our own lives, our happiness and the balance that we constantly seek and try to live out.

it starts with you tipping the scale in favor of you living your own version of a balanced life.

Hands Clean

While listening to Alanis Morisette air her displeasure with a guy having his hands clean of the mess he made years before in her song Hands Clean, the vision of Leonardo diCaprio obsessively and compulsively cleaning his hands in the movie Aviator came to mind. How OC was it? Think of him soaping, rubbing, cleaning and washing his hands a multitude of times to the point where his hands were so clean it literally hurt. Squeaky clean was more like excruciating clean.

We often cleanse ourselves of past mistakes, heartbreaks and failures by choosing to forget them. We wash our hands and purge them from our memories and our hearts and wash hoping that forgetting would translate to the fact that they never really happened in the first place. Similar to Leonardo’s scene mentioned above, we sometimes even go the distance and experience pain just to make ourselves believe that they have ceased to exist.

You may wash your hands obsessively and compulsively over and over again but the stain will always remain. Forgetting does not erase the past’s occurrence. You may choose to forget, lie about or even just alter the past but the fact that it happened will always remain.

Thus, change is not the only constant thing in life but truth as well. For the truth, no matter how much we try to hide and change it, will always remain and will prevail in its right time.

Be a Fool

Last week, we went to Ate Solvie’s condo to celebrate Anne becoming a full-fledged teacher after passing LET. Congratulations Teacher Anne! Aside from watching Akihiro being victimized after Ervic double-crossed him on Survivor: Philippines, having pizza and pasta (and using my pizzanatic card), we asked Kuya Chris if he could tell us of our fortune to which he graciously replied.

Miss Len went in first. We thought she’d only need around a quarter of an hour but it lasted around an hour and a half. Of course, she got the usual banter from us! Since Ate Abby already went home and Aylin already had her chance the last time they visited condo, I was the lucky person next in line and followed Miss Len. Of course, I won’t reveal much about it since I have this idea that it’ll probably jinx all the positivity I got from the reading. Let’s just say though that the session lasted over an hour given how excited I was having experienced tarot card reading.

I’ll probably just share what the cards told me when I could not stop clarifying how I’d be able to continue with my streak of happiness. After being dissatisfied with the answers I got and picking five or six cards in the process, the next one that I got was the card…

THE FOOL.

I chuckled a bit thinking how the cards might have thought me as idiotic, asking more questions when I could’ve and should’ve just stopped. Kuya Chris asked me first what I thought it meant. I thought that the cards told me either of these:

1. I’m a fool for believing that this happiness will continue.

2. I’m a fool because I believe that I’m happy.

3. I’m a fool because I ask too many irrelevant questions.

4. I’m a fool. Period.

Most of you will probably agree with my fourth presumption. Heh! Just continue and see if you’re correct.

I was about to surrender to the fact that the cards have probably gone tired of my questions but Kuya Chris clarified that the fool isn’t as foolish as it seems. In the tarot world, it speaks of a beginning, of a clean slate. Somewhat a tabula rasa for those familiar with the term.

Having been recently ushered into this so-called adult world, I have been more prone to see the world as polluted and corrupted. As such, it has been difficult for me to trust and appreciate the people and things surrounding me.

Channeling innocence as when I was a child would help me in this struggle of viewing the world as a happier place. Trusting then seemed easier since people always seemed genuine and caring. The world seemed a big playground where children are left in their elders’ hands to enjoy and play. The world was a much happier place.

It may seem immature at first but having the innocence of a child sometimes helps us deal with life’s challenges a little better. Treat it as a fresh start. A process similar to rebirth. Something that would make you believe in the goodness of individuals and see the good in everyone.

Thus, I’d like to bring back this innocence I had when I was young and hopefully influence how I view the world and help me have an easier time trusting other people. Hopefully, you’d channel your inner child as well and experience your rebirthed self.Time to bring back the childhood, friends!

Bottomline: Be a Fool.

p.s. An exciting discovery also happened in the condo! I’ll reveal it to you guys, soon!

The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle

Disclaimer: This entry is already probably my biggest effort in trying to sound like I still know some science. Anyway, one of the few things I still remember from my high school Physics class is the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. In layman’s terms, the principle states that a particle’s position and momentum cannot precisely be measured simultaneously.

Certainly, you’re probably now uncertain how significant this uncertainty principle is to us. How in the world does a Physics concept relate to us, right?

Remember the entry on perceptions and cemented ones greatly affect how we inevitably perceive and act towards people? (Apologies to Burt Hummel of Glee’s Theatricality Episode entry) Such principle of Physics supports the thoughts presented in it when applied to our perception of others.

We meet people at different points in their lives. Sometimes, we meet them when they are full with glee, sometimes with sorrow. Some days, our encounters are rather ordinary. Some days however they seem to be taken from a novel or a movie. Given the variety of these encounters, I guess we could say that not one of these capture an individual’s entirety. One encounter does not define a person. And a person cannot define himself in just one particular encounter as well.

Just like Physics’ Uncertainty Principle, each encounter cannot define an individual’s entirety.

Not one of our encounters has the capacity to precisely capture an individual’s entirety. Just like measuring a particle’s position, it may only give us an idea of how the individual thinks and feels at that time and a glimpse as to how s/he deals with similar situations but that’s about it. To gain a better understanding of the individual, we can only research on the past and predict the future. Thus, we need to spend more time and effort to know them better.

Likening a person’s mood meanwhile to a particle’s momentum, one may be happy now but it can suddenly change in a minute or less. Also, one can be happy for a while but still be suffering from long-term depression. Thus, you really won’t have an idea how s/he is doing unless you stay with him/her for a longer time. Given how much more volatile people could be, gauging their disposition proves to be definitely much harder than projecting particle properties.

One encounter does not define an individual’s entirety. And an individual cannot define his/her entirety in just one encounter. Thus, such Physics principle supports the need for openness, time and effort to strengthen our relationships. We should always be open to new experiences with our acquaintances and even friends so that we’ll be able to erode whatever first impressions which have been cemented in our minds. Together with time and effort, we’ll be able to have a better understanding of the person concerned.

At that time, we shall be able to somewhat transcend the principle and be able to precisely measure both a person’s position and momentum simultaneously.

Writing this entry took me almost three weeks! I had a difficult time writing this  entry probably because I was often unsure how to relate the concept to daily life. But thankfully, I have pulled through!

A Prayer

Today marks the first anniversary of one of the most horrendous events that rocked 2009. The Maguindanao Massacre.

I can still remember the images reeking of death. No words could ever be enough to describe the gruesome and repulsive scene.

Fifty-eight (58) people. Some of them were deemed as political rivals. Some of them were just doing their job as media men and women. Some of them were just there with their own business to mind. But all of them killed brutally and without mercy. All of them dying innocently and pointlessly at the cruel hands of their heartless tormentors.

One pointless death is already a travesty. Fifty-eight is a catastrophe.

Even more saddening is the fact that the judicial process has not progressed much. Expected, yes given the country’s record. But for a case like this? I don’t think it should be.

I can just imagine the grief of the victims’ relatives. The past year has been trying and tiring. And the slow trial turnout can be likened to a constant rub of salt on their wounds. A seemingly perpetual presence of agony.

Dealing with death is difficult already. What more is dealing with unjustified death? Whatever the result is, nothing could bring the dead back to life. And most probably, no explanation could ever suffice for the life that has unjustly been taken.

There’s nothing we can really do now but support those who are still reeling from the loss of their loved one. Death is inevitable but grief is optional. Of course, everyone will grieve from the loss at some point and it may even recur. But if we give them the support they need, the healing process would surely hasten. And in time, they may have already learned to accept what God has given them.

Thus, join me as I pray for the victims of last year’s Maguindanao Massacre. May they have found peace and justice in God’s company. Let us also pray for the victim’s relatives that God grant them the strength, wisdom and peace to continue on with their lives. Let them know, Lord, that the country is one in supporting them in their fight for justice.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Globe: Not at all doing it my way

Being a Globe user for so long, I have been beyond disappointed with my last few encounters with my telecom provider. To save you from the rant I have given interested and willing victim listeners, I’ll be outlining the reasons why I have recently abhorred the said provider.

Well, I was supposed to go through three transactions which a Globe SM Marikina customer service representative already arranged in a supposed most logical order:

1. Transfer ownership from my aunt to my name

2. Change plan

3. Reserve and purchase an Iphone 4

Now, here are the reasons:

1. SM Marikina Globe CSR promised me a week to finish the first transaction but it took them a month to do so. And another CSR from the same branch confirmed herself that it was due to them having a lot of transactions → Why keep my hopes up that I’ll only need a week to wait when you won’t be able to deliver?

2. Another CSR calling me and informing me that I need to wait a month to begin with the third transaction → Why should I wait when it was their office’s fault that my transaction got delayed three weeks?

3. Learning that the reward points I have rightfully earned will expire by the end of the year → Why do these points have an expiration date when I earned them the hard way?

4.The CSR told me that I’d just go to the nearest business center or call the hotline to ask about my ordeal. → Either you go to Globe SM Marikina at 10am or wait for approximately 2 hours to be served. It’s difficult to get through the hotline either.

5. A CSR being rude separately to me and my mother upon transaction. → Need I say more about this?

None of these exemplify their current spiel of “Doing things your way.” More like the opposite. No positive customer experience in the last month whatsoever.

Of course, I have already saved you the trouble of listening to me berate the Globe representative I have talked with last Wednesday and Saturday. Both times, I seemed to cause a scene within the radius of the Pathways office. Don’t worry though, I have already apologized to him but still I am waiting for my answer from them.

The thought of disconnecting from Globe hounds me though. Currently, I really have no reason and incentive remaining with my plan. I also don’t have any qualms about being on prepaid.

I initially didn’t want to include this in my blog since it has the potential of becoming a rant. Something that isn’t quite in tune with the type of entries this blog has been churning out. But as you can see, I have done my best to remove the rage and be as objective as I can. Thus, the numbered lists. ☺

Aside from highlighting the need for constant follow-up, this experience has also showed me the value we should put in the words that we say. If we tell somebody that we’ll accomplish the task by this time, then we should commit to it and be able to accomplish them during the time allotted. When you feel that you won’t be able to finish on the time you agreed on, then tell him/her right away so that s/he’ll be informed. Of course, it still depends on how s/he’ll take it but it’s definitely much better if they are aware than if they are left in the dark.

Once you fail to meet the deadline because of your own shortcomings, don’t be rude and act like it was never your fault. You should know when you have the right to argue and when you should just fold.

Honor and commit to your word and know your place. Remember these three things and surely, you’ll be able to do things your way.

Light years away from Nanowrimo glory

One of my ultimate dreams is to write a novel. Thus, when I heard about nanowrimo last year, I was very excited to join and fulfill this dream of mine. However, two nanowrimos in and I could proudly say that I have miserably failed. Last year, I couldn’t even muster a thousand words and this year, I have been stuck at almost three thousand words. Probably already the final haul of words for this year’s edition.

Despite already imagining exciting plots, I found myself crushing my own nanowrimo dreams because of three reasons. One, work. Enough said. Two, good old pal tamaditis. Again, enough said. And three, my ineptitude in writing specific, vivid, tangible details to birth my novel to life. Hence, a milky way to traverse before I win Nanowrimo.

If you have been following this blog, you would have probably noticed my affinity for using abstract words. I think I’m better at getting my messages across if they remain as conceptual and intangible as possible. A manifestation of my being able to learn better through abstract reasoning. Thus explains my ineptness with the tangible.

Aside from being more aware that I probably need a lot of practice and a million more concrete words to write a decent novel, it also reminded me how everyone has his/her own array of talents. You may not write or dance or sing well but you should not feel bad about it. You are good at something. You just have to discover it for yourself.

The talented ones will probably have an easier time mastering their own craft but it should not discourage those who possess the love for such activity. Excellence still needs practice. We cannot rely on pure talent to become masters of our talent. We still need to commit and persevere in order that we become the best at something.

Such experience also reveals why envy has no room in our lives. We shouldn’t be envious of others’ achievements because they deserve it for working hard. Instead of moping and griping, why don’t we work hard on our own talents to become achievers as well?

Everyone has the capacity to achieve in his/her own right. We just have to refrain from comparing ourselves with others and believe that we could achieve something.