If ever there’s one relationship advice I’ve remembered so well, it’s one my aunt gave my cousin a few years back.
Huwag mong ibigay lahat para sa kanya. (Don’t go all out for him/her.)
How could you be in a relationship and not give everything? If you love someone, then s/he deserves nothing but everything and the best from you, right? Screw that, I’ll always give my all for my *insert term of endearment here*!!!
This was exactly my immediate sentiment years ago until my all-out strategy backfired on me big time. And only after a self-prolonged period of depression did I realize that my aunt was so right all along. Yes, such advice seems brutal and counterintuitive but it’s born out of an experience of love in probably its rawest form.
Relationships always come with a certain degree of uncertainty. We are never really sure if our partner is the one we’re meant to be with. Thus, won’t it hurt so bad when you’ve given your all and everything just comes to naught?
A relationship works not with one’s 100% giving of self for his/her partner but one’s 100% giving of self for his/her partner and himself/herself. Remember that a relationship involves the love of two people and not just one. The person you probably most forget to love as well is yourself. Thus, it shouldn't involve the loss of your love for yourself rather it's gaining another person to love aside from loving yourself.
To reframe my aunt’s advice, it’s not don’t go all out for him/her but it’s go all out both for him/her and yourself.
Someone once told me that the irony in loving another person is that we need to lose ourself in order to find ourself. I agree with you, in a relationship we shouldn't hold anything back from our partner for fear of hurt, vulnerability and rejection. Our beloved deserves everything and if the relationship doesn't work out as planned then at least we can say that we gave our all! There are no 'what ifs' and "could be's" to live with right? :)
ReplyDeleteHello anonymous!
ReplyDeleteI'm flattered by the length of your reply! Seems that the entry really stirred something in you :p
Yes to everything you said but don't forget to love yourself as well. As I said in the entry, there are always two people to love in a relationship and that includes you!