On Completing Simbanggabi

I only have tonight’s anticipated mass to attend to complete the nine-day novena mass for the first time ever.

Some say though that technically I won’t be able to complete the Simbanggabi this year. I wasn’t able to attend the anticipated mass for the fourth one because our volunteers’ party and I wasn’t able to wake up for the actual dawn one. Instead, I attended the regular Sunday mass. Keeping the dawn tradition in mind, then I’d have to agree with them and surrender to the fact that I technically did not complete Simbanggabi this year.

However, if we peel off the dawn mass tradition and just see it as a 9-day novena in preparation for Christmas, then I have completed the said novena. I don’t really care if I won’t complete it based on such technicality and that I won’t be able to get my supposed wish to come true. I know He won’t grant my wish if only for the dawn mass I did not attend. Besides, there’s a certain aspect to my wishes that I do know He’ll grant it no matter what. ☺

Sometimes, despite having the best of intentions, we fall short of expectations and supposedly commit blunders because of technicalities and trivialities when they shouldn’t matter in the first place. In such times, maybe we should look beyond the shallowness and see a person’s true intentions and the goodness of one’s actions.

One missed dawn mass does not make one’s intention or deed less real. As long as the motivation to pursue the good is there, the trivial things would not matter.

A Stumble to Convince

We cannot escape the truth. No matter how much we like it or not and how hard we try to fight the inevitable, destiny will still run its course. Thus, anticipating and eventually accepting the inevitable seems always the most plausible option.

But sometimes, when we have conceived our idea of the inevitable and convinced ourselves of it, life lets us stumble on people, things or events which lead us rethink our own forecast of the inevitable. A friendly nudge, so to speak.

Believing that nothing is merely coincidental, I often loosen my grip on my perception of the inevitable and open myself to the previously overlooked possibility. Though in limbo between the sorrowful comfort of acceptance and the chancy adventure that is hope, I am blessed to realize that anything can happen and will happen if it’s meant to happen.

My desired inevitable shall only happen if I both accept and hope at the same time. If I use what I currently have right now and pursue the thing I hope for, chances are I’ll be much closer to my desired inevitable. And who does not want to reach that, right?

Recently, I have almost come to terms with the fact that I probably am meant to be alone. But happy, of course. Yet, more recently, life has showed me through a blog, a fictional character and being reminded of a film I watched last year, that somehow and somewhere, the elusive thing I am looking for exists.

I just have to have the courage, openness and hope to find it.

In Response to Monch's 08/07/06 entry (Turnback Tuesday)

From now on, Blast from the Past entries shall be posted on Tuesdays and shall now be known as Turnback Tuesday. For this week, I decided to borrow an entry from my livejournal. One of the few pearls in a sea of rants and suicidal messages. Forgive me if I cannot properly cite my sources for this entry. I cannot remember Monch's circa 2006 blogsite anymore. Anyway, enjoy!

I wanted to comment on his entry but i just could not limit myself to posting a mere comment. Here's the excerpt:

I’m just beginning to ask myself: is there a limit in loving (or at least infatuation)? I guess when we push ourselves too much, when we give it our all and when we just don’t suppress that feeling even if it has to be suppressed, we may think that the limit does not exist. But then, we realize after some time that there is a limit to such foolishness. We realize a lot of new things about the other party, we learn new stuff, we get to know each other better, we get involved in a lot of petty pointless fights, we feel the bitterness, we feel the pain, we experience the pain. And after all these, we get tired that we simply just want to forget everything and leave it all behind.

In my opinion, loving someone does not know any limits. Foolish acts and foolish things at they may seem, these are but just manifestations of that kind of love you ought to give. The realizations and pain are parts of the process that we get involved in once we decide to create something special with someone else. Yes, the case could be the one of being bitter, tired and painful but is that all that one can react to such unfortunate events in one's relation with the other?

I guess not. Walking away feeling bitter from somebody you thought you love is a sign that indeed the love that you have isn't that true. Love isn't bitter. It is forgiving and understanding.

Leaving it all behind without the bitterness and pain points to a more genuine form of love. If you really love somebody, then you should learn to let go of that somebody if you believe that it's the better choice for the both of you. of course, pain is inevitable but if you possess such a genuine kind of love, then the searing pain would eventually go away.

So does that stop you from loving someone? Is that the limit, for me, the excerpt is trying to express? I guess not. One of the most ultimate forms of love is loving even if somebody has gone away from you. Sacrificing your own happiness and satisfaction just to see the person you love somewhat happier with the new life you have given to him or her. Of course, the new chapter does not merit you to totally forget about the love you have for that person. Loving him or her still just as you do before shows the genuine love you have for that person. It is a love which transcends boundaries and survives even the most difficult situations in our lifetime.

Letting go of someone is part of loving that someone. And loving should not stop there. Even if you have parted ways, the love you had before should still be there and always be there till the end of time.

A love that endures time, transcends limitations and takes absence for presence is a rare kind of love one should cherish.

I bet you think this blog is about you

To those who personally know me, how many times do you think I have written an entry because of you? If you answer more than once then I bet you think this blog is about you.

However, it’s definitely not the case because I haven’t had anyone single-handedly influencing an entry. Sorry, folks!

Before this entry shatters your fantasy, I’d like to tell you that such idea and behavior are normal. When we read, the phrases and paragraphs that capture our attention the most are the ones which seem to speak to us the most. We adapt the material to our own needs in order that it makes the most sense to us. Think of horoscope. It’s something written for general audience but it seems to speak only to you when you interpret it.

Sometimes, we even go beyond and have the illusion that such article was written especially because of us. An exaggeration of the Spotlight Effect, belief that others are paying more attention to one’s appearance and behavior than they really are (David Myers). Bluntly, it could be read as others don’t care about you and your life as much as you do and believe them to do. Face it, Tan, not everyone is as interested in yourself as much as you are. Face it, honey, not everyone is as interested in yourself as much as you are.

Thus, take everything with a grain of salt unless the article blatantly states that it’s especially written for you. Reflect on how appropriate, valuable and valid your realizations are before you follow through.

To end on a positive note, in a way, veering ourselves away from the perils of Spotlight Effect liberates us. Such insight empowers us to focus on what we really want and pursue our own look and actions without becoming conscious of what others would say or feel. Of course, only to an extent still respectful, sensitive and non-injurious of others.

And yes, for once, that entry was about you.

A Mathematical Pitfall to Avoid

Quick exercise: Would these pickup lines land you a date?

My love for you is like dividing by zero…it’s undefined.

You must be sin squared, because I'm cosine squared and together we equal one.

I love you like pi…it’s neverending.

Whatever your answer is and no matter how nerdy and sometimes bizarre their lovechild lines seem to be, you cannot deny that the language of math can be used to express one’s love and admiration.

However, infusing math in relationships does not always yield a peculiar yet pleasant solution. If there’s one thing we’d need to avoid, it’s quantifying the time and effort we spend in loving someone.

For those who have had or are currently in a relationship, there has probably come a time when you asked yourself if your partner gives the same amount of commitment as you do. A definite question to avoid since it potently leads to resentment. For most if not all of the time, somebody shows his/her love more and the other shows his/her love less. Very rarely that people show the same amount of love.

Measuring our relationships then could only lead us to taint the love we share and possibly its end. Instead, we should center our relationship on why we love in the first place, its raison d'être or reason for being. Love knows no numbers.

Thus, forget the number of times you have/have missed hugs, kisses and sweet exchanges because, as the song goes, what matters most is that you love and you are loved.

And in the end, that is all that will matter.

The Most Brave

What do these actions all have in common?

To surrender

To admit defeat

To admit that you’re scared

To avoid the risk

To call for help

Aren’t they all heavily-associated with cowardice? And in a world where the brave are esteemed highly, engaging in such actions proves to be a proverbial suicide. The brave may not live long but the cautious does not live at all, as a saying goes.

Before this entry becomes an assault of supposedly cowardly actions, I would like you to clear your mind first of any prejudice against these actions and any person/s you’ve branded as a coward. Closed-mindedness reflects cowardice too, you know. But that’s another entry altogether.

Seemingly cowardly actions do not always equate to cowardice. Matter of fact, they sometimes display a brand of bravery we often most overlook. Being brave doesn’t only include facing things head on, being afraid of nothing, taking the risk or doing things chivalrously alone. It also includes surrendering when it’s the most appropriate thing to do and admitting to your own shortcomings.

Sometimes, the bravest thing to do is to admit defeat or fear. Such action doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a coward. It just means that you know that it’s the best course of action to take.

The most brave are those who know that they are human. They are well-aware of their weaknesses and need for others and know that not all battles could be won. They are not afraid of fear, defeat and support. They even embrace their being human and use their experience to have a better grasp of what bravery entails.

Thus, the brave, despite occasional admittance of fear and defeat, do live long while the coward, who believes himself as brave, may not live long and does not live at all.

Simply Simple

I passed by a prominent international brand’s boutique last Sunday and their window display caught my attention. Actually, I was just waiting for my mother to finish her Christmas Carol CD purchase and the boutique was just beside the record shop.

With nothing better to do, I channeled my inner (supposed) fashionista and decided to critique the three photos in the display. One photo was all about colors as the model wore different shades of the rainbow from head to toe. I guess the photographer wanted the colors’ dynamics to evoke inspiration. Sadly, it seemed over the top and left me uninspired. However, the other two photos were simply showed models fashionably clad. Though simpler, they left me with a positive vibe. Even though the photos were simple, they made me want to buy their jackets if only I had more money.

The verdict then: less is more.

I have always been a fan of the minimal and the un-fancy. You don’t need to be elaborate to evoke your desired outcome. You just have to make sure that all the essential elements are there and they all work and contribute to the accomplishment of your goal. Sometimes, the simple even works better than the elaborate since only the essential remain. The simple simply achieves.

Such experience highlights the need for us to be simple and live simply. When we dispose all the unnecessary clutter in our lives and only the essential remain, only then will we begin to fully realize what it is to be human.

It’s that simple.

The Stupidest Person Ever (Blast from Past)

Have you ever experienced shouting at a game show contestant while watching television? You shout at the contestant because you think he or she is either too dumb or too nervous to answer the correct one. And often the contestant reasons out, "Iba pala talaga pag totoo na." and you cringe at his or her excuses for they should still know the answer despite being nervous and all. But to tell you the truth, being on the actual thing is really nerve-wracking especially if too much is at stake. Think of the difference of being in a mock test and being in the actual examination. Isn't it way nerve-wracking to be in the exam?Often, game shows not only offer money but also the reputation of being good or something. So we shouldn't really blame people for not knowing the right answer because it's a whole new ballgame out there.

A similar thing to this is the act of giving advice. I mean when someone asks you to help them out with a problem (some mostly about his or her...ehem...love life...ehem...) most often than not you tell things that do logically mean something and are often the best ways possible out of the problem but the person who asked for advice just can't follow. And you get mad at him or her for being so stupid because you've already given the best ways out and the person won't follow because there's something inside them which pulls them back and tells them not to listen to you. And you'd call him or her the stupidest person ever.

But all of it comes back to bite you because you'd sometimes also act tht way. Before, I just really can't figure out why it's so hard to follow people's advice. All the logical bullshit and best ways out you'd tell are just thrown out the window. You are the stupidest person ever you'd call the person who asked advice from you.

Why can't a person follow all the logical stuff and advice he'd say? Simple.

The heart.

The heart often fights off all the logic and establishes what it wants. Often the heart doesn't agree with the head because the heart doesn't believe in logic. It believes and lives in emotion. Human emotion. Something which logic could not always explain. The heart wants its way even if logic doesn't allow.

The heart is that one force which moves someone to do things out of logic and do things beyond acceptable reasons.

And when the heart rules, you won't care even if you're called the stupidest person ever.

Nobody Said It was Easy

Quick exercise: When somebody wrongs you, would you immediately seek revenge or would you forgive him/her? Would you doubt his sincerity from then on or would you trust him/her again?

Of course, forgiving and trusting are the right answers for the exercise. But when the real deal comes along, would its correctness be as obvious? I doubt it especially after being hurt.

Forgiving and trusting are just two of the many obvious choices on paper which seem miles more difficult to carry out in reality. Thus, the golden question, “How come the rightful thing to do is usually the more difficult thing to do?”

Here are my two cents.

Imagine living in a world where we don’t struggle to do the right. Though the struggle is gone, the tradeoff would be the disintegration of depth and insight experience has to offer. Since the right is immediately crystal clear, the confusion and the struggle that humanizes the process get eradicated. As such, our insight accordingly gets strained.

On the contrary, the struggle, the difficulty and the confusion all render the ensuing experience richer of meaning and insight. We’d remember insights associated with experience better because we involved ourselves with the experience every step of the way.

Without it, we would have a much more difficult time realizing what makes living worthwhile. As such, we would not be able to live the kind of life we’re meant to live if we don’t struggle and choose to do the right thing no matter how difficult it seems to be.

We should then be grateful for the struggle that we have whenever faced with the aforementioned dilemma. Though such struggle starkly characterizes our being human, it also serves as our means to realize who we are and optimistically, transcend our own humanity.

Nobody said it was easy but those who have succeeded have said it was all worth it.

Want to Know One of Fashion's Best-Kept Secrets?

It’s the helmet!

Haven’t you noticed? A lot of people wear it! They wear the helmet for comfort and protection. Even if that same comfort and protection sometimes causes them the misery they have lately been wallowing in.

Despite the misery they experience, their friends’ advice (and sometimes even desperate pleas), and the obviousness of a situation’s consequences and solution, but helmets still cling to the status quo and refuse to initiate much needed change to situation. They choose to linger in such state. Thus, the perpetuation of a depressing cycle of disillusionment, distress, disobedience, desperation, denial and despair.

Such situation would actually be fair and tolerable if only the helmeted people suffer because quite frankly, they deserve it. But it becomes unfair and intolerable when friends and family get sucked into the sorrow.

You try to help a helmet by hearing their story out, comforting them and giving them the most plausible advice only for them to shoot you down and throw all reason out the window. And sometimes, it’s them who ask for advice! It gets frustrating and tiring, you know!

The only advice I could give helmets is for them to remove their helmet and really listen. Your friends may give you the best advice in the world and may try to yank your helmet off just so you could listen. But all these would not work if you don’t remove your helmet yourself. It may seem difficult at first, but trust me, it’s painless and serves as the initial step towards liberating yourself from the people/things that constantly keep you down.

Trust me. I was a helmet two years ago.

The Sweetness of Doing Nothing

Here’s another Eat Pray Love related entry.

Some time between savoring the cuisine and the fervor of the Italian life, Liz accompanied her friends to the barbershop where she learned a saccharine Italian phrase. Il Dolce Far Niente. Or in English, The Sweetness of Doing Nothing.

A probable question comes to mind. How can doing nothing be so sweet? How can it be rewarding when you don’t do anything at all? Some might even pronounce it idiotic, slothful or self-indulgent.

Such reaction is expected given that today’s fast-paced world seemingly demands the constant need to do something. Or even to multi-task. Thus, when immersed in a situation demanding us to slow down or even do nothing, we become restless instead of becoming relaxed. Quite ironic, I suppose.

But keeping pace with a fast-paced life warrants slowing down and doing nothing. In times when we don’t need to do anything, we have the luxury of savoring life through our senses, keeping in touch with our inner selves and reflecting on our lives. As you can see, we don’t necessarily do nothing when we do nothing. We become more attuned to ourselves, appreciate the life that we have and hopefully accelerate to full throttle once again.

And so my dear reader, I invite you to follow Liz’ footsteps and savor the sweetness of doing nothing. You’ll be surprised at how much doing nothing helps you speed up. Ciao!

A Few Seconds to a Happier (and Crazier?) You

I’ll let you in on a little secret.

Sometimes, I look in the mirror and just smile at myself to feel happier.

I know it oozes with craziness and borders narcissism but please hear me out.

Generally, attitude follows behavior. How we conduct ourselves affect how we view and feel about ourselves. If you engage in activities which stimulate your happy self, then you’ll definitely feel happier.

Physically mimic the action corresponding to happiness is probably the simplest way to help yourself become happier. Thus, it all begins with a smile. Actually, looking in the mirror provides additional visual stimuli to ease the happiness harvest. We smile when we see something pleasant right? Now, who honestly does not think s/he looks beautiful or pleasant at the least?

Seeing yourself smile would then lead you to think happier thoughts and feel better about yourself. You might even want to break out in song or dance just so you’d be able to continue your streak of happiness. Trust me, during this simple exercise, a refreshing rush runs through you filling every inch of you with glee.

Smiling in the mirror, however egotistical it sounds, points to the phenomenon that happiness happens when a person pursues it. Happiness does not come from the external but it starts within. Though sometimes we’ll need other things or people to generate, all of these would not work if we do not want it ourselves. Thus, the first step towards happiness always rests in our initiative to desire happiness. A simple desire, if cultivated with care, would eventually leave us with delight or even ecstasy.

Still not convinced? Afraid of looking crazy? Why not try it for yourself? Looking crazy won’t matter when you’ve become happier.

Now let loose, look in the mirror, smile to yourself and holler happiness! ☺

The Only Thing I Remember from my Trigonometry Teacher

Some people just have the capacity to be plain rude.

Case and point one: While in the jeep on my way home, rude girl who is seated directly behind the driver just nonchalantly texts on her cellphone and ignores Another Passenger who’s directly handing her payment for rude girl to pass to the driver. I had to extend my long arms to reach for Another Passenger’s payment so that it’d be handed to the driver. And of course, this happened twice.

Rant: Who the hell are you to not extend your hand out? Let’s just cut your arms off so that you’d have a reason not to help someone out.

Case and point two: I went to Starbucks to buy some drink. On the way in, I saw only customer A in front of the counter and rude man go to the counter then walk away again to his table. Thus, when I arrived at the counter, I was next in line after customer A. Lo and behold after customer A finishes his order, rude man enters through the exit and pronounces that he was there first so baristas should serve him first. Good thing, I’m chummy with the baristas and they serve me first. Whilst rude man was about to throw a hissy fit actually. But I did not care. Sucks to be rude man.

Rant: Who the hell are you to cut lines? Did we sneak in to get ahead of you just as you are getting ahead of us? Why can’t you just wait for your effing turn?

After the mini-rants (which I am very much trying to avoid), all I would like to ask from people is for them to have manners. Please. Remember the golden rule: don’t do unto others what you want to do unto them. Thus, don’t cut corners if you don’t want to be cut.

Speaking of corners and cutting, I remember my 4th year Trigonometry teacher, Mr. Fragante. In between radians, cotangents and looking like he’s just had a drink everyday, he gave us wisdom one fateful senior high school day.

He asked us why we shouldn’t cut corners. Perplexed by his question, we told him we had no idea. Thus, he drew a square on the board and after showing it to us, he sliced triangle-shapes off the corners. The square looked like an octagon. And he then the light of wisdom befell us, “because you only create more corners.” Just wow! I think we even applauded right after for his sheer wisdom and brilliance. And for that, we forever remember him. And his drunken look of course! Kidding!

But it does make sense. Cutting corners will only create more corners that need to be hurdled. And continuously cutting corners would only perpetuate and even worsen the vicious cycle. Instead of settling anything, you settle nothing.

Thus, wait in line, help another passenger pay his/her ride and be fair in everything you do. It’s not as difficult as it sounds or how society’s ills make it out to be. You just got to try it and live by it.

Building on Mr. Fragante’s words, the person who will have the most difficult time when you cut corners is the person who creates more corners for his/her sorry self.

The Person I Forget the Most to Forgive

I just watched Eat, Pray, Love three nights ago. The first thing that came to mind after the movie was that I’d also want to have my own similar journey! Top of my head, the countries I’d be going to are Brazil, Kenya and Greece. Chile and Spain are alternates. But of course, I have to amass a fortune first before fulfilling my dreams of having my own Eat, Pray, Love series.

The movie also appealed to me probably because it spoke of self-discovery/self-rediscovery. I believe I’m experiencing a much more inexpensive version of my own. Despite the busy schedule, I have come to terms with ghosts of my past and have achieved a sense of peace inside me. I hope this lasts long. I will work for it.

One of the scenes that left me teary-eyed was when Richard eventually opened up to Liz in India. Richard advised Liz to forgive herself. I took that as him also asking me to forgive myself as well.

I have always been hard on myself. It has been easier for me to forgive others of their wrongdoing than to forgive myself of my own shortcomings. It probably comes from my belief that I have adequate control over the things that happen to me. Thus, I have this illusion that I am responsible for everything awful that has happened to me.

Thus, that scene has made me realize that I need to become more lenient with myself. I need to forgive myself as well. I am young and I still have a lot to learn about the world before me. I may have stumbled quite a few times. I may have majorly tripped along the way as well. But we all go through our own trials, right? As always, it’s not how you fall but how you rise up and become better.

Rising up begins only with forgiveness. And that includes forgiving yourself.

One of my wishes this Christmas is that you find the courage and openness to forgive others and yourself. Hopefully, as a new year begins by the end of the month, you have completely forgiven yourself of past disappointments so that the year begins fresher and lighter!