Looking back through my old blogs, I realize that I suck at making entries for my special day. And most probably, the trend would not be broken today.
As a treat/nuisance for my special day, I’m taking you down memory lane with me as I reveal the Tan that has been through the years through the blog sites I have had. I’ll just be posting links and a brief profile of the entries that could be found in them. I’ll be posting links for those that are still working so you can have the luxury to visit them and flame away with my entries. As such, you’ll probably stumble upon some Blast from the Past entries I have had posted before and will post in the future.
Are you ready to meet the younger versions of me? (Shucks, I feel like I’m so old!)
2002?-04?: Pitas blog, diaryland blog and unappreciated_paranoia @ xanga blog
As evident with the question marks which accompany the years and the lack of links and description, these blog sites have been long erased on the face of the cyber world. I got interested in blogging early in high school. It became an outlet for me to ramble and rant about the things I was experiencing at that time. I really have no concrete idea how I wrote during those years although most probably, it was rather informal and very much focused on my own wants and needs. Come on, I was just a high school student back then going through the pains of growing up!
August 2004 – November 2005: Crying it all out… http://immortalized_24.tabulas.com
A quick explanation of the site address. I used immortalized because of the seemingly clichéd fact that writing down your thoughts somewhat immortalizes them. I was number 24 when I won the Digital LG Challenge weekly finals Ateneo High School joined. And of course, the egotistic reason of wanting to be immortalized and known for my writing.
Despite the title being bordering emo (Yes, I admit that I am of the overtly dramatic clan), I consider blogging in tabulas as my golden age of blogging and probably my most memorable blog. Well, the self-centeredness and stubbornness from the previous blogs were still present. The teenage angst and insistence is palpable even as I read it now. However, most of the seriously-written entries showed a sense of maturity that seemed beyond that of a high school student. Though there were several periods of lull, there were also times when entries were religiously written. Even I cannot explain how I was able to write the entries I have written during those years!
Why do I consider it as one of the most memorable : a dash of inspiration and a whole lot of love, if you know what I mean. *wink wink*
November 2005 (June 2005) - January 2007: my iMMortal http://calle-nueve.livejournal.com
This blog was actually created in June of 2005 out of a requirement for English class since I did not want to use my tabulas site for academic purposes. However, I only completely moved to Livejournal in November of 2005 because most of my friends who had blog sites at that time were in Livejournal and I was also on the verge of experience a great shift/rift in my life.
The angst unquestionably remained and even intensified. The entries, though some mirrored the well-written ones from the Tabulas site, were darker and reeked of the vengeful, depressed and sometimes suicidal state I was in. Definitely a year’s worth of entries I would rather just purge.
However, I have not yet deleted even a single entry of my Livejournal because I have come to embrace the experience I have had during such delicate period of my life. I may have learned things the harder way but at least I could really say that I have grown in so many ways.
January 2007 – August 2007: Never too late to pretend http://insaneimmortal.blogspot.com
I left Livejournal as a step towards moving on from the depression I was suffering from. Though it did help me cope, it took much more time and effort from me than I expected before I fully recovered.
This blog probably is the most underutilized of the bunch. I think the only time I was frequently churning out entries was during my month-long break before leaving for my junior term abroad in France. It was a way of keeping true to the blog site’s title of pretending as my commitment to blogging took a backseat because of frequent bouts with depression and school work, especially during the months leading to my junior term abroad.
August 2007 – April 2009: Nine lives gone crazy http://tantannatnat.multiply.com/journal
Revisiting my multiply blog site, I realized that it served as a second copy of my entries from previous blog sites. However, come August 2007, I switched to writing entries solely in my multiply site because of two things. One, I anticipated that my junior term abroad experience would yield a plethora of photos and two, I wanted to be surer that I had readers for my entries. A symptom of an individual suffering from low self-esteem and yearning for acceptance. Multiply then became a one-stop update on how my life was going.
The move seemed to have paid off. Friends browsed through both my albums and my journal entries. In a way, Tan circa 2007-08 found the acceptance and happiness he was looking for when he moved to multiply. Entries seemed to be well-thought of similar to those from the Tabulas blog site. The angst had subsided as a happier and more satisfied Tan seemed to surface. Still, vestiges of angst remained and morphed into bitchiness. (You now probably have a hint why I’m sometimes such a pain to deal with. Haha)
Nevertheless, college kicked into its highest gear and destination graduation became a primary concern. Just like my experience with the previous blog, lapse between entries became greater because of academic priorities.
June 2009 – present: Nine lives gone crazy http://tantannatnat.blogspot.com
With social networking sites focusing on a media-rich approach, I was tempted to revive my affinity for blogging either through following trend with Tumblr or settling with the comfort zone of Facebook and its notes application. However, I found the two sites rather too fancy and unfamiliar. Thus, I remained with the classic blogger site. No frills. Just pure writing bliss.
Though it started out very similar to my other blogs, I decided just last September that this would be a happier blog mostly written in formal language. Though some may border college English composition levels(I’m afraid my English skills haven’t really improved over the past five years haha) and some others still demonstrate the anti-social bitch rant which has been token in my older blogs, I still make sure that somewhere and somehow, my entries would be able to make you reflect on your own life and realize that happiness is very much attainable if we only allow ourselves to be happy.
Despite being busy with work, I do hope that I’ll be able to write regularly and continue provoking thoughts whether they be deep or shallow ones. Pray for me, dear reader, that I’ll have the inspiration and determination to be true to my promise.
A common theme emerges if you revisit my supposed birthday specials. I always speak of growing in the last year and looking forward to experiencing more in the future. Though I’m itching to deviate from my usual birthday special (though I already did with this trip down memory lane), I would still say that I am very much thankful for the progress I have over the past year. Probably one of the years I could justify such statement the most.
As I said in the surprise Pathways prepared for me last Sunday, I have learned to love myself more this past year. And by loving myself, I mean taking steps closer to mastering who I really am, being readier to accept and let go, and always striving to think and live happiness. Hopefully, by learning to love myself more, I would be able to give myself more to others. To love them more.
I think my own coming of age has now come to its penultimate stages. I'd definitely say that I have already transitioned from being the demanding teen full of angst I was a few years back to the mellowed and happy young adult I am now. I know I still got a long way but I think I'm more than prepared to conquer the world and live my dream! Watch out, world!
Here’s to a 23-year old Tan who's HEALTHIER, more passionate, less brooding and moody, more loving and most important of all, happier with his life!
Thank you very much! Even by just reading, you have very well become part of celebrating my birthday and helped me become a happier individual.
Demonyo ka! Lol
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