Nerdy/Beautiful

One of my recent dreams is to gain a Ph.D. in Social Psychology abroad. However, I needed to shelve it temporarily since I need to help out with my family’s expenses first. Anyway, as preparation for that supposed dream, I have already read two psychology books on my own. While I don’t regret at all being a management major for my undergraduate, my INFJ-induced fascination in Psychology has only left me a frustrated psychologist. And thus, the nerdy feat of reading two books on my own. Take note, they are both college textbooks.

However, the most nerd bit about this is that I made an 82-page word document for my social psychology notes. If you know how much I loathe taking notes, you’d know that the document I built is certainly a feat. I mean I’ve never even attempted to labor through all of the chapters of my previous college textbooks. But, for the love and frustration that is social psychology, I did. And I’m proud of myself for doing so. Way to go, dork! Haha.

Though it is a damn textbook, the beauty of reading social psychology is that it somehow doubles as a self-help introduction to the social world. Being a collection of findings on how this species called human beings interact, I had several “that’s why I/you/s/he/they was/were like that” moments! And as one of the first few concepts in the book reveals, everything is clearer in hindsight. (By now, you’d probably say that such statement is too obvious but was it really obvious to you all along or it just became clearer with hindsight?)

Of course, you have to read through the whole book to understand some of the concepts which I’m sure you’ll enjoy reading. I personally liked the chapters on Attraction (I wonder why?) and Persuasion since the former is a giveaway and the latter is something I need to work on especially if I plan to enter the world of Marketing.

Before I go on and on about what I have learned from reading the book, I’d just tell you one of the most striking things I’ve learned from my almost three months bout with the book.

To each her/his own.

Everyone has a right to be who s/he wants to be because it’s her/his life. Nobody has any right to judge anyone just because they’re different or they made a mistake. In a world where monotony and blandness is frowned upon, who wants to be ordinary, anyway? Also, we have flaws and we commit mistakes but those are the things that make us human, right? Let the sinless wonder cast the first stone on those who have made a mistake.

Though we may not please some people because of who we are then boo-hoo to them for not seeing the beauty in you. We should always remember that we are all beautiful individuals in our own unique way.

The world would be a much duller place if we don’t reveal our truest most beautiful selves. And it’ll only be beautiful if we all live out who we really are.

If you want to be truly beautiful, express yourself but appreciate others expressing themselves as well!

So what's the point?

After a week of hiatus, I’m back, dear reader. I was on the verge of having sore eyes last Monday and needed some time to rest for the remainder of the week. I’m still quite sick though with cough and colds but I’m better and I could blink painlessly right now.

The ADMU Blue Eagles are three-peat basketball champions! Woot! I planned to watch but the eye infection got in the way so I just stayed in the office, watched and cheered crazily with Ate Donna and Steph. Jumping and cheering definitely looks a lot less bonkers when you’re in a crowd in Araneta than being in an office’s pantry. But the heck did we care, we won!

Because I still wanted to be a part of the festivities somehow given that I’ve been in Araneta both times Ateneo won the past two years, I decided to go to the thanksgiving mass at the Gesu. The perks of working inside the campus. Haha. Even though I did not spot any friend I can spend the mass with, I still stayed to join the community thank God for the blessings He has showered the Ateneo teams this past year.

And thank God I did. I even remember telling myself how grateful I am just to have a God to believe in at some point in the mass. It was quite overwhelming to take in the fact that somewhere, somehow, a greater someone makes sense of everything that we go through in our lives.

It might not make sense at this moment how I got that out of the mass but that’s exactly my point. Sometimes, what we realize from our experiences don’t necessarily follow what we have experienced. Or they don’t have any connection at all! We just have to be grateful of the experience and harness what we have learned since it worked out exactly how a greater being planned it to elicit such realization. That somehow things make sense no matter how unclear or senseless they currently appear to be. But of course, in the greater scheme of things, it does make sense and we’ll only get to appreciate it in God’s time. Thank God!

Even writing this entry has somehow proven what I have just said. I had no idea how this realization come up since I was only to share how blessed I felt to have a God. But I did and probably soon enough, this will all make sense to me.

milk to cornflakes: better that we break

Disclaimer: Before you even think that this entry involves any romantic revelation whatsoever, I’d already quash your suspicions by instantly saying that there is none in this entry. Sorry folks, what can I do when there’s really nothing to begin with? Haha.

Recently, I’ve normally had cornflakes with milk for breakfast. You could probably say that it’s a compromise between waking up a few minutes earlier to eat heavy breakfast and waking up a few minutes later without having any breakfast at all. Well, it has frequently worked except for times when stress has set in quite early in the morning and has already left me craving for lunch time. If you’re familiar with my work, you know that it isn’t as promising as it looks. Haha.

I actually like munching on cornflakes alone. It’s become my token snack whenever I watch my favorite shows. I also drink milk almost every night before I go to bed since my mom is a fervent believer of milk’s elixir-like properties. Now, you might be wondering what in the world did I just say but I do have a point. It’s that I do actually enjoy either eating cornflakes alone or just drinking milk more than having them together. The taste of cornflakes I love when I eat it alone isn’t the same as when I have it with milk. It just doesn’t taste as great.

This random musing has reminded me that some things are really better off alone. Some things are meant to elicit happiness alone and some together. We should then know which one corresponds with which. Sometimes mixing things together doesn’t result in a synergic product. The sum isn’t always equal or greater than its parts.

In a world of packages, combos, buy 1, take 1’s and value meals, we should remember that quantity does not always dictate quality. One might say that the capitalist thought has influenced us into thinking that the combos that have been put out are always the best for us when our own taste and preference disagree. But given the emphasis on the importance of monetary considerations, we often fall to the trap of sacrificing our own preference for the sake of saving a few pesos.

It’s a definite eye-opener for me since the thrift (stingy) Tan always triumphs when it comes to purchasing stuff even though it does not always translate to an increase in happiness. Case and point: the typical fast food value meals. Instead of contributing to my goal of avoiding softdrinks altogether, my stingy self opts for the softdrink choice instead of the healthier juice alternatives just because it costs less. Thus, when the sugar or caffeine has built up, the cost of drinking sodas will definitely outweigh the costs supposedly previously saved.

And yes, my dear reader, I know you’ve been waiting for this but it can also be applied to our relationships. (This shall be the closest to what you might have previously thought.) When relationships have gone sour, it might always be best to temporarily break ties off. Sometimes, we just need time to let ourselves become better through time.

We shouldn’t pressure ourselves into making the relationship work when there’s really no chance whatsoever of happening. Just like cornflakes gone cold and soggy and milk gone grainy when left in the cold with each other, it doesn’t tingle the taste buds quite well.

We always need to let ourselves grow and be the best that we can be. And that includes spending time alone. In the end, our goal is to taste our finest selves in order to make ourselves well-made for the combos and values meals that are our relationships.

But this cornflakes-fresh milk analogy could simply mean that some people are better off single or are meant to be single. They’re just destined to be happier that way. Reading the most probable question in your mind right now, all I could say is what Nicole Scherzinger and the rest of PCD would tell, “I don’t need a man to make it happen.”

Strive and/to Settle

I got my annual physical examination results yesterday and aside from the chronic shoulder pain, it looks like I’m in the pink of health. Emphasis on looks like. I’m still going to have a follow-up consultation with the doctor on Monday when my thoracolumbar x-ray results come out. There are suspicions of scoliosis but we’ll see with my next visit.

Nevertheless, she advised me to strengthen my back muscles through exercise and distribute weight whenever I carry heavy things. Actually, she asked if I could do away with all the stuff I carry to work to which I instantly said no. But of course, in my mind it was a resound yes! Haha. Anyway, please pray for me as well that this ain’t anything serious.

I think putting off exercise has come back to haunt me at such an early age. I’ve firmly believed that I’ve had my fair share of exercise by walking to and from home only to realize that I’ve missed out on firming up my back and shoulders especially that it carries the brunt of my commuting. Settling on such idea has caused me quite a trouble that hopefully I won’t pay dearly for. And I know, spontaneous bursts of stretching, crunching, lunging, and all other wouldn’t cut it out. I really need to figure in back-strengthening exercises in my daily regimen. I shall start today! I promise!

Aside from learning that health is wealth the hard way, this experience has helped me realize how I should not settle for things I do not deserve.

I won’t simply say to not settle for things since it implies discontentment and the ever yearning for something more. At points in our lives, we have to settle with what we have and make do with it for it’s what we deserve to have with. Perennial dissatisfaction will just feed on itself and make us always hungry for things that we badly want yet do not need and/or deserve.

Think of a Pera or Bayong situation where you rejected the highest amount ever offered in the show for a crack at a much bigger prize only to receive a pack of butong pakwan. In the greedy pursuit of gaining those we don’t deserve anymore, we lose even those we already have.

Thus, we settle with things that we deserve and be happy.

On the other hand, I would not recommend just simply settling for things as well since it reveals a rather mediocre and lackadaisical individual. Simply settling for things without giving any thought or effort in the process will only lead us to a life subpar of the life we do deserve. We aren’t caged animals who’d just eat and make do with the carcasses his/her master throws at him/her. We are individuals capable of achieving great feats and reaping rewards that we deserve.

Think of a Pera or Bayong situation where you accepted the very first offer since you don’t want to give any more thought or effort to the process only to find out in the end that you could’ve won the million peso jackpot which could’ve bought you all the things you deserve. In being languid and apathetic, we immediately settle for things we don’t deserve and deprive ourselves of those that we do.

Thus, we strive for things that we deserve and be happy.

Having the things that we deserve and being happy then necessitates both striving and settling for it. We should be aware of our selves, strive for things we are capable of achieving and yet settle when we have achieved that we could achieve.

I’d admit that I’ve probably compromised and settled for things I don’t deserve in the past. I didn’t deserve that grade I got. I didn’t deserve the way you’ve deceived me. I didn’t deserve you being my friend. I didn’t deserve you. In hindsight, I might have deserved that for not giving what needs to be given. Writing this entry then has been my wakeup call to always give what needs to be given and not just what I’d want to give. Also, it has been rather therapeutic since it has enlightened me on how I should live my life settling for things I do deserve.

In the end, to maximize our being individuals and achieve the happiness that we elusively seek, we should always strive and settle for our best since we always deserve nothing but the best for us.

Precious Illusions

Alright, I might have sugarcoated being nostalgic a little too much with my previous entry. Some memories may not be as healthy for us as we think they are. Just this other night, I had a really good dream. Too good in fact that I had to consciously snooze two alarm rings to go back to sleep and continue dreaming that same dream. (Luckily, it did continue as some don’t once you’ve stepped out of the unconscious) Until now, I can still feel the giddiness and enthusiasm I had during the dream. It was one of those dreams I’d wish I’d never wake up from because it was that good! But of course, I had to go to work an hour later and as my Facebook status reads, waking up was the worst part of it.

It’s always the worst part especially in the dreams and illusions we use to lull ourselves into thinking the futilely optimistic. Illusions which make us believe so good that we think that we’ve escaped the harsh realities of life and have teleported to a world where only happiness exists. Only to find out when we do wake up that all of those are just mere illusions and that things aren’t as rosy as they seem to be.

Aside from these, there’s probably this more dangerous kind which can be found in the genus of illusions. Let’s call them precious illusions as a tribute to the icon that is Alanis Morissette.

Precious illusions are those which are culled from memory and have morphed into an indissoluble defense whenever we encounter seemingly insurmountable challenges in our lives. The metamorphosis from memory to precious illusion occurs when we strengthen the memory’s edifice through exaggerating its happier portions and downplaying its more tragic ones. It then becomes easier for us to hide in this rosy wall of defense since we experience the happiness we felt back then again (sometimes an even intensified one).

Instead of facing the issue, we choose to remain in the comforts of our precious illusions only to come out when we feel safe once again. Of course, one might feel safe eventually but he or she didn’t really resolve the issue which leads to the danger of merely living in these precious illusions, never really facing reality and the possibility of the issue becoming bigger than what it originally was.

We should then guard ourselves from drugging ourselves with precious illusions. It might be good once in a while since illusions do inspire us from time to time. However, getting addicted and should be off limits.

Life has its challenges but it also always brings new things to smile and be happy about. We won’t need to rely on precious illusions if we become appreciative even of the simplest joys in our lives. And when we do so, waking up will always be the best part as we look forward to the new joys we’d experience in the coming day.

CLG

My friends often tease me about being CLG. Can’t let go. While there’s some grain of truth in that, I prefer being called nostalgic. It sounds less possessive and more sophisticated. ☺

My being nostalgic has its probable roots within the confines of my home. People who have visited our humble abode can attest to the fact that it’s petite. However, it’s chockfull of things some of which many would say already belong to the clutter-dispose bin. But my mom has this knack of storing stuff she considers sentimental even if some aren’t really that much worthy to be kept.

Certainly though, some are of much worth like the pictures we had when we were still small and little school accomplishments we’ve had throughout the years. You’d probably want to check out the clearbooks my mom has patiently and painstakingly filled out with our report cards and awards. She doesn’t mind the effort though since she considers these as their proudest achievements. It was actually one of the first few things she thought of saving when Ondoy struck our house. And this little gesture of love shows how awesome my parents are! Woot! Love you mom and dad!

Being immersed in such atmosphere then has allowed this affinity for nostalgia to rub off on me. Thus, I have my own stash of letters, pictures and other memorabilia which remind me of my own life’s most significant moments. Sometimes, I’m just caught in this urge to be sentimental and end up going over through my stash and savoring the moments I’ve learned to love.

Reflecting on my own motivation for being nostalgic, I think it’s more of having this urge to have memories more tangible and accessible. Some memories are meant to continually be savored and inspire. Keeping a sentimental stash then makes the memory more palpable as if you’re living and breathing that same moment again. A letter to remind you of your first crush, a photograph from your memorable trip overseas or even a candy wrapper from your first date. It’s your decision to make and your memory to cherish.

Do I think I need to change? I don’t think so. But I also have to learn to let go as well. I also need to learn that some things and people in life just come and go. We just have to take things as they are and not inject any sentimental value when none ever existed. Thus, we should be wise to decipher those meant to just pass by and those meant to be valued forever.

I’m still definitely trying to sort this whole thing out. I mean I know I’ve improved from the stubborn and ultra-sentimental teenage Tan who thought that everything in this world should mean something for him. Now, I’ve come to accept the reality I’ve shared with you already. The silver lining in this somewhat cold truth is that we’d be able to treasure more those who deserve to be treasured which can lead us to accumulating a trove full of memories which are all worth remembering.

If ever there’s one thing I learned about this though, it’s that I’ve had a difficult time letting go of having a difficult time to let go because I’ve been blessed with so much love from my friends and family. How can you not be CLG with that, huh?

Happiness and Gratitude: Rest Week Edition!

As some of you may know, I didn’t go to work the whole week since I felt that I really needed to rest for a week in order to recharge. Given that the past few months have been really hectic, last week wasn’t so heavy and I’ve got tons of offset hours, it was inevitable for me to rest. And so here I am just listing down the things which have made me happy, thankful and raring to go back to work this coming week:

September 11

1. Winning P600 worth of Powerbooks gift card

2. Joey Pepperoni Dinner with Andrew

3. Itunes revived and updated! Number of songs ballooned 1000%

4. Free tall Starbucks Coffee Jelly Dark Roast

September 12

1. Sleeping the whole day

2. Internet at my lola’s house

3. Updating my Macbook’s software

4. Joey Pepperoni Pepperoni and Mushroom Pizza overload

5. Twitter revival

September 13

1. Waking up late without worries

2. Bum life!

3. Liberating feeling of not having to worry about anything

September 14

1. Waking up late yet again without any worries

2. Bum life

3. Fazoli’s Eastwood dinner with Ate Len and Ate Rose

4. Dairy Queen 12oz. Strawberry Cheesecake Blizzard

September 15

1. Fixing my AFPSLAI account

2. Renewing my Laking National Card though almost accused of stealing a book! Haha

2. Eating at World Chicken Gateway

3. Haircut and some massage

4. Starbucks Grande Caramel Coffee Jelly Dark Roast

5. Finishing Paris Vendetta

September 16

1. Literally sleeping the whole day

2. Blog revival

3. Limewire song downloads

September 17

1. Annual Physical Examination Completed!

2. Quick visit to the office

3. Mcdonald’s for lunch

4. Grad school talk

5. Le Café Maison uber-bonding experience!

6. Plans good-to-go!

7. 215g of Qoola Dulce de Leche yogurt

September 18

1. A rare Saturday when I don’t need to work

2. Starbucks Caramel Affogato + Belgian waffle with caramel sauce and whipped cream

3. Going to mass

4. Pearl Harbor on Star Movies

5. Glimpses of ANTM 11, TAR 16, Modern Family and Glee

September 19

1. CSI: NY episode

2. Watching ADMU-AdU at Araneta Coliseum with Zen

3. Ateneo in the finals!

4. Being able to rest the whole week

I’m just really thankful that I had the chance to rest this past week. I know work will swallow me whole when I come back but I’m ready to face the challenge. And looking forward to another rest week! Haha. Toodles!