I went to Ateneo High to go to mass early today. Well, half-a-mass since I only got to the HS chapel in time for Prayers of the Faithful. Anyway, Sibol sang today since it's a Wednesday. A tradition started even before me. Their singing, with violin to boot, reminded me of CSO-choired friday masses from before when we would sing our hearts out over mass songs. And sometimes well probably always praying for the success of our clusters' activities and the CSO as a whole. God, I miss those days. I miss my CSO friends. Hopefully, a reunion is in the works sometime this year. Haha.
After the mass, I felt quite disappointed since I wasn't able to begin the mass. I felt like I failed...at life. Haha. Yeah, that's how I'd always feel when I fail to do something I'm supposed to do. It's like every right thing I've made has been negated by a single, sometimes even futile mistake. And that feeling really sucks. So much. And ever since I've left school, started work and said hello to the real world, it's something I've been trying to understand well enough about myself.
A few minutes after, while walking to the office, I realized that I'll just have my soon-to-be M-W-F regular mass time slot which is 11:30am. Shortly after, I felt relieved. And actually wanted to bang my head for feeling so much like I'm a failure when I'm actually not.
And probably I always have to remind myself of this moment and of the many moments I've felt so bad over simple and sometimes stupid things. I should rid myself of the unfulfillable expectations I've always put on myself and remember that the world won't know and CARE that you've actually effed up on your own expectations.
So lighten up, Tan. And appreciate life! And always, always remember that line from the song that has become your anthem some years back, "we're the song inside the tune, full of beautiful mistakes..."
After the mass, I felt quite disappointed since I wasn't able to begin the mass. I felt like I failed...at life. Haha. Yeah, that's how I'd always feel when I fail to do something I'm supposed to do. It's like every right thing I've made has been negated by a single, sometimes even futile mistake. And that feeling really sucks. So much. And ever since I've left school, started work and said hello to the real world, it's something I've been trying to understand well enough about myself.
A few minutes after, while walking to the office, I realized that I'll just have my soon-to-be M-W-F regular mass time slot which is 11:30am. Shortly after, I felt relieved. And actually wanted to bang my head for feeling so much like I'm a failure when I'm actually not.
And probably I always have to remind myself of this moment and of the many moments I've felt so bad over simple and sometimes stupid things. I should rid myself of the unfulfillable expectations I've always put on myself and remember that the world won't know and CARE that you've actually effed up on your own expectations.
So lighten up, Tan. And appreciate life! And always, always remember that line from the song that has become your anthem some years back, "we're the song inside the tune, full of beautiful mistakes..."
No comments:
Post a Comment