It's all in the mind

Reading Paris Vendetta was no walk in the park. I think it took me around a month to finish the whole novel. Squeezing in some chapters between hectic August and September proved to be more difficult than I expected it to be. Matter of fact, I couldn’t progress past chapter thirty-six two weeks ago since I didn’t have the time and mindset to finish the novel. Thankfully, despite reading intermittently, as you may have read in a previous entry, dear reader, I’ve already finished the novel! Snaps for me! And I’m actually most proud of the fact that I finished 200+ chapters in 2 hours. It might sound rather childish but I’m just really enthralled that I could finish a novel in a time span definitely shorter than I expected. Of course, distractions and my tendency to doze off aside.

Thinking about probable reasons why I wasn’t able to finish the novel at a quicker pace, I came up with two – my environment and myself. Given the moment I bought the novel was sandwiched between two huge work events which required lots of preparation, I was surely bound to finish it some other time and at a slower pace. So quite forgivable given that perspective.

However, thinking about myself, I can’t say that I was always busy with work because a few days into this weeklong vacation of mine, I already wasn’t doing anything urgent and/or important that could hinder me from reading the novel. During my weeklong vacation, finishing the novel became more of a test of will rather than a balancing act. And I was delighted that I did finish the novel the moment I told myself that I shall finish it by hook or by crook.

Such thought reveals the power of the mind and motivation. As you can see, I’ve put off reading that novel for quite some time since I really didn’t want to finish it before. However, when I told myself to go for it, I did and even surprised myself with how fast I breezed through the novel. (Don’t get me wrong, I still savored what the novel had to offer)

Tasks seem not like tasks if you think they aren’t and if you set a realistic goal to achieve. Thinking that you can and will achieve something is the first step in doing so. Thinking otherwise then leads to nothing for how can you achieve something if you don’t even think you can in the first place. It’s all in the mind as they say.

Certainly, you’ll encounter distractions and temptations along the way but you have to keep your focus and eye on the prize. Chant deep inside you the desired goal and never let your mind wander into thinking that the goal is too lofty to reach or that what you’ve done is already enough. Unless you can say you’ve achieved your goal and you’re happy, you should never even think about ending your run to the top.

And when you do reach your goal, always remember how it all began and how that first step of thinking that you can and will achieve that goal set your journey in the right motion.

Positive thinking leads to positive results. Thus, always think you can and you will because nothing is impossible if you will it passionately and act on it fervently.

No Regrets (mistakes), Just Love (blessings)

Keeping in theme with delayed blog entries, I’m writing this as a reaction to the recent Miss Universe pageant with my beauty pageant fanatic hat on.

One of pastimes/ways to irritate people is to ask them random questions. While some are purely concocted from my imagination, some of them have actually been derived from past beauty pageants such as “What is the essence of a woman?” (can you say 1994?) and “What makes you blush?” If I haven’t been hit by the time I finish the question, people usually answer them with a grain of truth about their life. And being the competitive biatch that I am, I also try to answer my own question just so they could hear how a self-trained trying hard beauty pageant fanatic would answer it. Insert person slapping me hard at this moment.

Thus, I just had to answer Ms. Venus Raj’s question after the local news’ sensationalism of her supposed “major, major” blunder. I’ve read quite a lot of answers on the internet but I choose to have mine simple and void of highfaluting language. (Apparently not after I’ve finished writing it)

To refresh your memory, the question was "What is one big mistake that you have made in your life and what did you do to make it right?"

“Good evening, Las Vegas! A very good question to ask indeed. If ever there’s one mistake I consider the biggest, it’s treating mistakes as awful things that have hindered my development as an individual. Recently, I’ve realized that mistakes are always blessings in disguise since we learn from them and become better individuals. I wouldn’t become the person I’m becoming and meant to become if it weren’t for the mistakes I’ve made in the past. Thus, a simple rule, count your mistakes as blessings and count your blessings! And be thankful of course! Thank you very much!”

Your thoughts, dear reader? Too saccharine for your taste? Haha. But that’s how a pageant contestant should answer. Well, might be too long. What the heck?! Moving on…

Living in this day and age where fierce competition devours those who commit even the most trivial of mistakes, it’s difficult to make room for error. Sometimes, one should even get it on the first run or else you’re deemed as slow and incompetent. Charging it to experience seems more of an excuse rather than a typical humane course of action. If you let this thinking seep into your ego, then you’re definitely in danger of losing belief in yourself. It could very well all go downhill from there and eventually end in an abyss of self-doubt and blame.

If you feel that you’ve made far too many mistakes and you’re on the verge of breaking down, sit down, breathe and tell yourself, “Nobody’s perfect. I’m human and I’m not perfect but I’m blessed.”

List down the mistakes you’ve committed and see how they all positively contribute to who you are right now. No matter how trivial it helped, it still did and you have to thank yourself for committing that mistake for you wouldn’t learn what you did without that experience. Afterwards, reflect on how these are really blessings in disguise. And laugh and/or smile for you became a better person because of these mistakes.

Then, list down all the blessings you’ve received in the past year, month, week or even day and be thankful for the blessings you’ve been showered with. Repeat process every time you try to bang your head for committing yet another mistake until you’ve finally realized how every waking moment of your life is a blessing!

We are all blessed even in the simplest of ways. We always just have to remember it and count our blessings especially in moments when we feel that the whole world is ganging up on us.

If you know me and my blog site from before, you may have known my entry about a certain someone being tagged as the biggest mistake of my life. Of course, back then, I was this brooding, depressed and vengeful college kid so absorbed in his self-inflicted misfortune. But things have changed. (Hopefully!) Right now, I’m just thankful for everything that has happened in my life and count all the blessings and blessings in disguise that have come my way. And definitely, one of those blessings in disguise is you. You know who you are even if you won’t probably even bother to read this. (spiteful much?)

But yeah, I’ve learned a lot from that experience with you and have considered them as blessings that have helped me realize that I am blessed. I have always been and always will be. Hopefully, you do too.

And as my favorite line from Katy Perry’s chart-topping Teenage Dream would go,

“No regrets, just love.”

A Taste of Vendetta?

Since I don’t have internet access at home, I’m blogging this entry on a word document haha talk about semi-cheating writing an entry. But hey, this might probably be better since I’m writing while the thoughts are fresh in my head. Actually, this entry should have been written a month ago but as you probably figured out in my past entry, I was too busy for a blog entry the past month. Thus, the entry being published a month late. I know I promised and hopefully I shall be able to keep it from now on.

Since I chose to have this week off, I’ve been able to run errands such as opening my bank account, have my annual physical exam, get a haircut and renew my Laking National Card. Of course, the better half is just having all my time concentrated on leisurely endeavors such as having dinner with friends, updating my itunes and enjoying music from the past decade. I missed turning the volume up and just listening to music you love. And I’ve done it quite a few times this past week. My grandma’s probably praying that I get back to work sometime soon so that the house will be quiet again. Haha.

I also finished Steve Berry’s Paris Vendetta yesterday. Definitely up in the ranks of the Berry novels I’ve read. Probably even the best? It’s not your typical Berry book though since the historical fiction element gets a little toned down (but it’s still there!). However, the drama and dilemma are taken up a notch which enhances Berry’s already superb writing. For those who like Dan Brown, you’d definitely love Steve Berry! I’d lend you Paris Vendetta so you can see for yourself!

Though I’ve got this major, major urge to share with you my after-novel thoughts, I’ll keep shush so that I won’t play spoiler to those who want to read. However, I’d still like to share something and promise that it doesn’t give away one bit. Or so I think.

After reading the novel, I realized that seeking revenge can be likened to rubbing salt on an open wound. Instead of letting the process of healing take its place, it rouses the pain again. The vendetta-seeker gets so consumed by this urge to cause pain that inflicts it not only on the person s/he seeks revenge on but also on her/him and even the people around her/him. Thus, it creates a vicious and painful cycle which only worsens the wound. S/he ends up hurting more and more people and the rift deeper than before. It becomes even more difficult as the pain becomes more intense since rationality gets thrown out the window most of the time and the vendetta-seeker operates only on her/his emotions. A surefire disaster in the making.

There’s no escaping unless s/he does an act which betrays the twisted logic the vendetta-seeker follows: forgiving.

Forgiveness might seem unfair especially after a tragic loss but it initiates the all-important process of moving on and letting go. We all seek justice for the terrible things that have happened to us. However, we have to trust it to the higher being that everything does happen for a reason and that a greater authority shall handle the justice that we seek to serve with our own hands.

Through forgiveness, we take the first step towards healing our wounds and realizing that awful things happen even to the best people. Vital here then will be to reflect, remember and learn from the experience. Only then can we be freed from the pain we seek to purge with which we fail miserably at when we play the game of vendetta.

Take the first step today! Call up, text or message someone who’ve hurt you in the past and tell them, “I forgive you.” It might be difficult at first but the lighter feeling afterwards is definitely worth it. Of course, don’t force yourself if you cannot tell those words honestly! It’ll only worsen the feeling. Thus, be truthful and real in the sense that you do forgive him/her when you tell him/her!

Revenge is a dish best served cold as they say but it might be better if this seemingly scrumptious dish won’t served at all.

Forty-five happyness things for 0814-0819

And of course, a week in, I cannot keep my promise of blogging everyday. Haha but I should forgive myself for such blunder since it was really a stressful midweek given that I had to semi-cram the Education Partners' Luncheon in three days. I'm trying to get cramming out of my system as a result of it and shall hopefully push through. Thus, I'd be posting my happyness and gratitude list for the past 5 days. Since it's quite difficult to list 50 things, I'll be merging happyness and gratitude for this post.

Happyness/Gratitude is:

08/14

1. Trouble-free career day
2. Sharing Sausage Mcmuffin with Marvin and Hash brown with Steph
3. Toaster twisted for lunch
4. Seeing the mentors and their batch 9 mentees enjoy their first meet-up
5. Preview of sharings to come with Marga

08/15 (I seriously cannot remember what I did this day haha)

1. Waking up late
2. White mocha frappucino
3. Starbucks productivity with 50% of EPL powerpoint
4. Slow Down to Speed Up reading marathon!
5. Insights from reading and a new found thirst for better life management
6. Schedule-making for Monday!
7. Brazo de Mercedes

08/16

1. Waking up early despite sleeping quite late
2. Messages of gratitude
3. Productivity morning
4. Going home early
5. No rain while walking home
6. Hot shower at home
7. Sleeping early!

08/17

1. Surviving morning sickness
2. Bluebooks tokens pulling through!
3. Certificates for Pathways coordinators
4. Wall-E looking sosyalan much LCD projector
5. Modern Family episode break
6. Being quite all set for EPL except for PPT haha
7. Starbucks White Mocha Frap to accompany through the all-nighter

08/18

1. Surviving the EPL Preparations!
2. The EPL team
3. Education Partners Luncheon 2010!
4. Buko Pandan overload
5. Ate Len singing (and recording snippets haha)
6. Well-deserved afternoon nap in the office haha
7. Meeting Mark dela Cruz and Macky and walking them to Flaming Wings
8. Washing the dishes haha
9. Cafe Lidia with Ate Len, Ate Rose and Eumir to cap off the night
10. Waiting in Kalumpang for a jeep and imagining that a T-rex would come just like in Jurassic Park! (geek haha)
11. Caramel goodness haha
12. That warm fuzzy feeling of accomplishment and being content after a long week

08/19

1. Waking up late and resting well
2. Holidays are always love
3. Sleeping almost all day
4. Contacting facilitators for Saturday and hoping that all goes well
5. Plants versus Zombies!
6. Blogging again after a long time!
7. M&M's

Well, those are 45 things/people/events that have made me happy and feel thankful the past six days. Hopefully, tomorrow I'd be able to blog (and please let us have our internet connection back) I promise to have a decent entry sometime soon! Woot!

Toodles,

Tan

Happyness and Gratitude 081310

Friday the 13th craziness left me with no time to post my happyness and gratitude for the day.

Happyness:

1. Waking up late

Tip: if you want me to have a positive day ahead, let me sleep all I want and wake up just right before 11am. 8 hours or more worth of sleep - SUHRUHP.

2. Teppy's Happyness

ALAM NA! HAHA HAPPY FOR YOU TEPPIE! PWEDE KA NANG MODEL NG REJOICE AT PANTENE COMBINED!

3. Singing in the office

I missed just singing my lungs off to tunes I've loved to belt in the past years aka AI songs like Angels Brought Me Here. Warning: listen at your own risk haha

4. Free wicked oreos

Though not really a fan of the ala mode dessert, it being free made all the difference. And ice cream of course! Haha

5. Pasalubong from mom

Kahit di ko nakain, happyness pa rin ang toasted twister c/o my dear mom. Tradition na kasi sa familia namin ang pasalubongs :p

Gratitude:

1. Mentoring Orientation Team

From assigning mentor-mentee pairs to contacting uncontactable mentors to concocting animal sounds and christmas carols and for preparing the whole event!

2. Deens

For being so easily bullied to give the psych talk for mentoring :p

3. Berns, Steph and Marvin

For being the ever-dependable heads trifecta of pvolt na pwede ko na silang iwan at kaya na nila

4. Ate Len's hunger

For letting us have dinner at Flaming Wings

5. handling pressure

For handling the crises that have plagued work (overtly exaggerated) much better than previous months.

All in all a not-at-all-bv-but-pure-gv friday the 13th!

A Stamp for being Most Self-controlled

On my way home, I passed by too much inconvenience that normally, I would have screamed at the quarreling Romeo and Juliet to shut the effing up and just break their damned relationship off.

But that's normally. Since I've been trying to always be positive lately, I kept my cool and just brushed the incidents off. Thus, day 2 of my happyness experiment and I'm still very much in the thick of things.

I just wish i'd always muster the strength to control myself from lashing out at the slightest irritation.

On to positive things now!

HAPPYNESS TODAY:

1. Trike ride from Xavier to hagdan

Saved me much time and effort from walking

2. Accomplishments after meeting with Sir Steve and Sir Balaoing

Who doesn't want a feeling of accomplishment right? Especially during such hectic week

3. Time management book!

i have a new book to read! Seemingly self-help but what the heck! Excited for it!

4. Cello's doughnuts

Choco-oreo and caramel doughnuts LOVE

5. Self-controlled Tan

The positive thinking framework is working!

GRATEFUL TODAY:

1. Comments in FB

Kahit i-attribute niyo sa kalandian ang status ko, ok lang dahil wholesome naman talaga iyan

2. Randomness talk with ate len

Nothing beats going home with a conversation with ate len

3. M&M's and Kitkat and Ryan's leftover biscuits

Swear. Munching monster much ako kanina haha

4. Arriving at 715 am

It jumpstarted my day and left me feeling accomplished already even if it was only 1030am

5. having no need to wake up early tomorrow

Tomorrow's my complete sleeping hours day so I don't have to catch the 615 departure for AHS

Happiness and gratitude starts here

Since I left my key in the office and nobody was set to arrive in the next 30 minutes (the first person actually arrived 45 minutes after. Good decision, Tan!), I decided to head to the library, it being the place that I love to hang out recently. I needed internet access by the way so I went to their version of the RSF comp lab (read: tanders na) and logged in. While waiting, I decided to check out the online psych journals since I'm in the middle of this disillusionment that I'd be a psych grad student some day. One of the journals I glanced through was about nostalgia and attachment-avoidance. I really didn't get to absorb the article but all I can remember, if I got it correctly, was that nostalgic people usually low attachment-avoidance since they'd always fondly share memories with people and remain securely attached. (Not really sure but hey it's all about how it registered in my head so...haha)

Of course, the thing that stuck to me was nostalgia. And how I'm really a person who breathes memories. Blessed/cursed with rather good memory, I've learned to enjoy reminiscing about the years gone by. Conversation with common friends are usually about our past misfortunes, triumphs and the rest in between. It's comforting being reminded of the sweet and young life you've had before, knowing you'd want to go back to the happier moments of your life and relive the experience over and over again.

I'd want that when I grow older. When I become 25, 30, heck even 50. (Cannot imagine how I'll be when I'm 50 though) But some time soon, my memory shall fail me and that's why I'd need to write them down somewhere. Hopefully, this blog will still be accessible 27-28 years from now so I might still be able to read back and cherish on the thoughts I've had at this point of my life.

I'm actually doing that already. Looking at my petty yet content 16 year old self around six years ago, I remember how naive I was and how much different I viewed the world. I don't want to deprive my 28 year old self of that. I still want to look back six years from now and read how I raved and ranted and lived and loved my life. Hopefully, that future Tan will tell himself, "wow, he's been through a lot but starting 22, he surely became much more positive and better."

I can't do it on facebook one-line status messages alone. I can't live on that. I don't want to look back and read through the one-liners which sometimes aren't even mine to begin with. However, given the change in responsibilities, I don't think I can blog as lengthy as I am doing now. Thus, for times like those, win-win situation would be to list down five SPECIFIC things that made me happy today and five other ones that I'm thankful for today. At least, though those entries will be short, they'd be words or even sentences that could prime myself whenever remembering the moments I've been through. If ever I don't get to post, it means that I have to post them the next time. Basta, you get the idea! So it'll either be just the happyness things or a post with happyness things. Certainly the latter is preferred but we'll see :p

And so we begin today:

HAPPYNESS IS:

1. The new Rizal Library

I super duper love staying there. Sorry, but I really find it better than our previous library or baka lang I miss staying in the lib lang and sleeping for hours. Haha.

2. Banoffee pie slice for dinner dessert

Finally got to a slice of banoffee pie I bought from banapple!

3. Finishing the social psych book last monday.

I just had to put this haha proud accomplishment of a frustrated psych undergrad student

4. Terrified before and now Love the way you lie by Eminem feat. Rihanna LSS the whole day

Currently listening to these two songs the most. As in stuck on a youtube tab where'd I play it anytime I want music while working haha

5. Kenny's dinner with Deens

Of course, winner of the day! Nothing beats chatting over dinner with a pal you haven't seen and talked to in a while. Kahit isa itong malaking pagpapanggap, salamat Deens!

6. The tantannatnat revival!

Woot! Sana tuloy-tuloy na ito just like the happyness that's in me!

THANK YOU FOR:

1. Ride from Kenny's to u-turn c/o Deens and mom

Saved time and energy much!

2. Phone call from dad

Even though it seems that we only talk about how my day has been, I really appreciate your call, dad. Love you and always take care!

3. Rizal Library

New found haven and saved me 45 minutes of waiting today.

4. Feeling better as the day went on

I really felt sick at the beginning of the day. Actually thought of backing out of dinner with Deens but good thing I felt better as the day progressed

5. Positive thinking!

This changed perspective, though I'm still a novice, really works and unburdens me! Nothing's impossible with a positive mind!

Most probably the format would change but spare me for this first entry. Thanks and toodles!