It's been a long time since my last Turnback Tuesday so here is an entry circa November 2005. This entry was written at such a momentous time. *wink wink* And things were definitely never the same again after this period. Still, enjoy as always!
Well, i've got only a week left of sembreak. Blech. And it's one whole year once again of learning and working your ass off. Good luck. It's because i have summer classes so bye bye lazing around in the summer heat. Oh well, i've rested quite well enough to last me till december. Oh, i'm so excited! We're going to visit my dad over at Dubai. Well, it's been a long time since i've gone out of the country so i'm really glad we're going to Dubai. I love travel so much! I mean if only i had the right circumstances, i'd settle for a job which requires a lot of traveling and exploring. That's really one of my biggest dreams, to travel the world and see the most famous sights and learn of different cultures. I wish someday i'd find myself backpacking in Tanzania or freezing in Oslo or stuck in the Philippines still. Haha. The latter looks like the choice that will most likely happen.
One of the things i'm actually not good in is discovering new ways of doing things. (And to think i'm going to take a research path. haha) I've always found myself to be stuck with the usual things i do. I'm often apprehensive to try new techniques because it might produce something unpleasant or something worse than the thing i've already become used to. It's just that sometimes, i'm really not ready to take my chances and risk. Sometimes, i am too afraid to fall. I first need to check whether nothing will go wrong before i venture in. I might lack trust in some cases but it's more of lacking courage. I'm a coward when it comes to new things. I'm afraid to let go of things i've become used to because i might never be able to come back to the happiness i've felt with the things i've always done.
Well, of course, the law of entropy, that it's impossible to go back to an object's original state once it has begun to deteriorate. For example, we age and grow. It's definitely impossible for us to go back to become babies once again. But tht would be cool though. Haha. Nothing can ever go back to its original state. Even in relationships, once you've hurt a friend, the hurt will always be there even though you've become ok already.
I think the law of entropy somewhat sums up why i don't want to explore. I'm afraid that things will never be the same again. And that's true. Once chipped, everything will begin to crack until it all breaks down. The problem with me is when i fall, i fall hard. Sometimes, it's hard for me to recover. Oh God, please help me.
I'm falling and falling fast. I might never recover from all the changes that are happening so fast. I just wish you were here to break my fall and save me.
I desperately need you but things will never be the same again, huh?
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