milk to cornflakes: better that we break

Disclaimer: Before you even think that this entry involves any romantic revelation whatsoever, I’d already quash your suspicions by instantly saying that there is none in this entry. Sorry folks, what can I do when there’s really nothing to begin with? Haha.

Recently, I’ve normally had cornflakes with milk for breakfast. You could probably say that it’s a compromise between waking up a few minutes earlier to eat heavy breakfast and waking up a few minutes later without having any breakfast at all. Well, it has frequently worked except for times when stress has set in quite early in the morning and has already left me craving for lunch time. If you’re familiar with my work, you know that it isn’t as promising as it looks. Haha.

I actually like munching on cornflakes alone. It’s become my token snack whenever I watch my favorite shows. I also drink milk almost every night before I go to bed since my mom is a fervent believer of milk’s elixir-like properties. Now, you might be wondering what in the world did I just say but I do have a point. It’s that I do actually enjoy either eating cornflakes alone or just drinking milk more than having them together. The taste of cornflakes I love when I eat it alone isn’t the same as when I have it with milk. It just doesn’t taste as great.

This random musing has reminded me that some things are really better off alone. Some things are meant to elicit happiness alone and some together. We should then know which one corresponds with which. Sometimes mixing things together doesn’t result in a synergic product. The sum isn’t always equal or greater than its parts.

In a world of packages, combos, buy 1, take 1’s and value meals, we should remember that quantity does not always dictate quality. One might say that the capitalist thought has influenced us into thinking that the combos that have been put out are always the best for us when our own taste and preference disagree. But given the emphasis on the importance of monetary considerations, we often fall to the trap of sacrificing our own preference for the sake of saving a few pesos.

It’s a definite eye-opener for me since the thrift (stingy) Tan always triumphs when it comes to purchasing stuff even though it does not always translate to an increase in happiness. Case and point: the typical fast food value meals. Instead of contributing to my goal of avoiding softdrinks altogether, my stingy self opts for the softdrink choice instead of the healthier juice alternatives just because it costs less. Thus, when the sugar or caffeine has built up, the cost of drinking sodas will definitely outweigh the costs supposedly previously saved.

And yes, my dear reader, I know you’ve been waiting for this but it can also be applied to our relationships. (This shall be the closest to what you might have previously thought.) When relationships have gone sour, it might always be best to temporarily break ties off. Sometimes, we just need time to let ourselves become better through time.

We shouldn’t pressure ourselves into making the relationship work when there’s really no chance whatsoever of happening. Just like cornflakes gone cold and soggy and milk gone grainy when left in the cold with each other, it doesn’t tingle the taste buds quite well.

We always need to let ourselves grow and be the best that we can be. And that includes spending time alone. In the end, our goal is to taste our finest selves in order to make ourselves well-made for the combos and values meals that are our relationships.

But this cornflakes-fresh milk analogy could simply mean that some people are better off single or are meant to be single. They’re just destined to be happier that way. Reading the most probable question in your mind right now, all I could say is what Nicole Scherzinger and the rest of PCD would tell, “I don’t need a man to make it happen.”

Strive and/to Settle

I got my annual physical examination results yesterday and aside from the chronic shoulder pain, it looks like I’m in the pink of health. Emphasis on looks like. I’m still going to have a follow-up consultation with the doctor on Monday when my thoracolumbar x-ray results come out. There are suspicions of scoliosis but we’ll see with my next visit.

Nevertheless, she advised me to strengthen my back muscles through exercise and distribute weight whenever I carry heavy things. Actually, she asked if I could do away with all the stuff I carry to work to which I instantly said no. But of course, in my mind it was a resound yes! Haha. Anyway, please pray for me as well that this ain’t anything serious.

I think putting off exercise has come back to haunt me at such an early age. I’ve firmly believed that I’ve had my fair share of exercise by walking to and from home only to realize that I’ve missed out on firming up my back and shoulders especially that it carries the brunt of my commuting. Settling on such idea has caused me quite a trouble that hopefully I won’t pay dearly for. And I know, spontaneous bursts of stretching, crunching, lunging, and all other wouldn’t cut it out. I really need to figure in back-strengthening exercises in my daily regimen. I shall start today! I promise!

Aside from learning that health is wealth the hard way, this experience has helped me realize how I should not settle for things I do not deserve.

I won’t simply say to not settle for things since it implies discontentment and the ever yearning for something more. At points in our lives, we have to settle with what we have and make do with it for it’s what we deserve to have with. Perennial dissatisfaction will just feed on itself and make us always hungry for things that we badly want yet do not need and/or deserve.

Think of a Pera or Bayong situation where you rejected the highest amount ever offered in the show for a crack at a much bigger prize only to receive a pack of butong pakwan. In the greedy pursuit of gaining those we don’t deserve anymore, we lose even those we already have.

Thus, we settle with things that we deserve and be happy.

On the other hand, I would not recommend just simply settling for things as well since it reveals a rather mediocre and lackadaisical individual. Simply settling for things without giving any thought or effort in the process will only lead us to a life subpar of the life we do deserve. We aren’t caged animals who’d just eat and make do with the carcasses his/her master throws at him/her. We are individuals capable of achieving great feats and reaping rewards that we deserve.

Think of a Pera or Bayong situation where you accepted the very first offer since you don’t want to give any more thought or effort to the process only to find out in the end that you could’ve won the million peso jackpot which could’ve bought you all the things you deserve. In being languid and apathetic, we immediately settle for things we don’t deserve and deprive ourselves of those that we do.

Thus, we strive for things that we deserve and be happy.

Having the things that we deserve and being happy then necessitates both striving and settling for it. We should be aware of our selves, strive for things we are capable of achieving and yet settle when we have achieved that we could achieve.

I’d admit that I’ve probably compromised and settled for things I don’t deserve in the past. I didn’t deserve that grade I got. I didn’t deserve the way you’ve deceived me. I didn’t deserve you being my friend. I didn’t deserve you. In hindsight, I might have deserved that for not giving what needs to be given. Writing this entry then has been my wakeup call to always give what needs to be given and not just what I’d want to give. Also, it has been rather therapeutic since it has enlightened me on how I should live my life settling for things I do deserve.

In the end, to maximize our being individuals and achieve the happiness that we elusively seek, we should always strive and settle for our best since we always deserve nothing but the best for us.

Precious Illusions

Alright, I might have sugarcoated being nostalgic a little too much with my previous entry. Some memories may not be as healthy for us as we think they are. Just this other night, I had a really good dream. Too good in fact that I had to consciously snooze two alarm rings to go back to sleep and continue dreaming that same dream. (Luckily, it did continue as some don’t once you’ve stepped out of the unconscious) Until now, I can still feel the giddiness and enthusiasm I had during the dream. It was one of those dreams I’d wish I’d never wake up from because it was that good! But of course, I had to go to work an hour later and as my Facebook status reads, waking up was the worst part of it.

It’s always the worst part especially in the dreams and illusions we use to lull ourselves into thinking the futilely optimistic. Illusions which make us believe so good that we think that we’ve escaped the harsh realities of life and have teleported to a world where only happiness exists. Only to find out when we do wake up that all of those are just mere illusions and that things aren’t as rosy as they seem to be.

Aside from these, there’s probably this more dangerous kind which can be found in the genus of illusions. Let’s call them precious illusions as a tribute to the icon that is Alanis Morissette.

Precious illusions are those which are culled from memory and have morphed into an indissoluble defense whenever we encounter seemingly insurmountable challenges in our lives. The metamorphosis from memory to precious illusion occurs when we strengthen the memory’s edifice through exaggerating its happier portions and downplaying its more tragic ones. It then becomes easier for us to hide in this rosy wall of defense since we experience the happiness we felt back then again (sometimes an even intensified one).

Instead of facing the issue, we choose to remain in the comforts of our precious illusions only to come out when we feel safe once again. Of course, one might feel safe eventually but he or she didn’t really resolve the issue which leads to the danger of merely living in these precious illusions, never really facing reality and the possibility of the issue becoming bigger than what it originally was.

We should then guard ourselves from drugging ourselves with precious illusions. It might be good once in a while since illusions do inspire us from time to time. However, getting addicted and should be off limits.

Life has its challenges but it also always brings new things to smile and be happy about. We won’t need to rely on precious illusions if we become appreciative even of the simplest joys in our lives. And when we do so, waking up will always be the best part as we look forward to the new joys we’d experience in the coming day.

CLG

My friends often tease me about being CLG. Can’t let go. While there’s some grain of truth in that, I prefer being called nostalgic. It sounds less possessive and more sophisticated. ☺

My being nostalgic has its probable roots within the confines of my home. People who have visited our humble abode can attest to the fact that it’s petite. However, it’s chockfull of things some of which many would say already belong to the clutter-dispose bin. But my mom has this knack of storing stuff she considers sentimental even if some aren’t really that much worthy to be kept.

Certainly though, some are of much worth like the pictures we had when we were still small and little school accomplishments we’ve had throughout the years. You’d probably want to check out the clearbooks my mom has patiently and painstakingly filled out with our report cards and awards. She doesn’t mind the effort though since she considers these as their proudest achievements. It was actually one of the first few things she thought of saving when Ondoy struck our house. And this little gesture of love shows how awesome my parents are! Woot! Love you mom and dad!

Being immersed in such atmosphere then has allowed this affinity for nostalgia to rub off on me. Thus, I have my own stash of letters, pictures and other memorabilia which remind me of my own life’s most significant moments. Sometimes, I’m just caught in this urge to be sentimental and end up going over through my stash and savoring the moments I’ve learned to love.

Reflecting on my own motivation for being nostalgic, I think it’s more of having this urge to have memories more tangible and accessible. Some memories are meant to continually be savored and inspire. Keeping a sentimental stash then makes the memory more palpable as if you’re living and breathing that same moment again. A letter to remind you of your first crush, a photograph from your memorable trip overseas or even a candy wrapper from your first date. It’s your decision to make and your memory to cherish.

Do I think I need to change? I don’t think so. But I also have to learn to let go as well. I also need to learn that some things and people in life just come and go. We just have to take things as they are and not inject any sentimental value when none ever existed. Thus, we should be wise to decipher those meant to just pass by and those meant to be valued forever.

I’m still definitely trying to sort this whole thing out. I mean I know I’ve improved from the stubborn and ultra-sentimental teenage Tan who thought that everything in this world should mean something for him. Now, I’ve come to accept the reality I’ve shared with you already. The silver lining in this somewhat cold truth is that we’d be able to treasure more those who deserve to be treasured which can lead us to accumulating a trove full of memories which are all worth remembering.

If ever there’s one thing I learned about this though, it’s that I’ve had a difficult time letting go of having a difficult time to let go because I’ve been blessed with so much love from my friends and family. How can you not be CLG with that, huh?

Happiness and Gratitude: Rest Week Edition!

As some of you may know, I didn’t go to work the whole week since I felt that I really needed to rest for a week in order to recharge. Given that the past few months have been really hectic, last week wasn’t so heavy and I’ve got tons of offset hours, it was inevitable for me to rest. And so here I am just listing down the things which have made me happy, thankful and raring to go back to work this coming week:

September 11

1. Winning P600 worth of Powerbooks gift card

2. Joey Pepperoni Dinner with Andrew

3. Itunes revived and updated! Number of songs ballooned 1000%

4. Free tall Starbucks Coffee Jelly Dark Roast

September 12

1. Sleeping the whole day

2. Internet at my lola’s house

3. Updating my Macbook’s software

4. Joey Pepperoni Pepperoni and Mushroom Pizza overload

5. Twitter revival

September 13

1. Waking up late without worries

2. Bum life!

3. Liberating feeling of not having to worry about anything

September 14

1. Waking up late yet again without any worries

2. Bum life

3. Fazoli’s Eastwood dinner with Ate Len and Ate Rose

4. Dairy Queen 12oz. Strawberry Cheesecake Blizzard

September 15

1. Fixing my AFPSLAI account

2. Renewing my Laking National Card though almost accused of stealing a book! Haha

2. Eating at World Chicken Gateway

3. Haircut and some massage

4. Starbucks Grande Caramel Coffee Jelly Dark Roast

5. Finishing Paris Vendetta

September 16

1. Literally sleeping the whole day

2. Blog revival

3. Limewire song downloads

September 17

1. Annual Physical Examination Completed!

2. Quick visit to the office

3. Mcdonald’s for lunch

4. Grad school talk

5. Le Café Maison uber-bonding experience!

6. Plans good-to-go!

7. 215g of Qoola Dulce de Leche yogurt

September 18

1. A rare Saturday when I don’t need to work

2. Starbucks Caramel Affogato + Belgian waffle with caramel sauce and whipped cream

3. Going to mass

4. Pearl Harbor on Star Movies

5. Glimpses of ANTM 11, TAR 16, Modern Family and Glee

September 19

1. CSI: NY episode

2. Watching ADMU-AdU at Araneta Coliseum with Zen

3. Ateneo in the finals!

4. Being able to rest the whole week

I’m just really thankful that I had the chance to rest this past week. I know work will swallow me whole when I come back but I’m ready to face the challenge. And looking forward to another rest week! Haha. Toodles!

It's all in the mind

Reading Paris Vendetta was no walk in the park. I think it took me around a month to finish the whole novel. Squeezing in some chapters between hectic August and September proved to be more difficult than I expected it to be. Matter of fact, I couldn’t progress past chapter thirty-six two weeks ago since I didn’t have the time and mindset to finish the novel. Thankfully, despite reading intermittently, as you may have read in a previous entry, dear reader, I’ve already finished the novel! Snaps for me! And I’m actually most proud of the fact that I finished 200+ chapters in 2 hours. It might sound rather childish but I’m just really enthralled that I could finish a novel in a time span definitely shorter than I expected. Of course, distractions and my tendency to doze off aside.

Thinking about probable reasons why I wasn’t able to finish the novel at a quicker pace, I came up with two – my environment and myself. Given the moment I bought the novel was sandwiched between two huge work events which required lots of preparation, I was surely bound to finish it some other time and at a slower pace. So quite forgivable given that perspective.

However, thinking about myself, I can’t say that I was always busy with work because a few days into this weeklong vacation of mine, I already wasn’t doing anything urgent and/or important that could hinder me from reading the novel. During my weeklong vacation, finishing the novel became more of a test of will rather than a balancing act. And I was delighted that I did finish the novel the moment I told myself that I shall finish it by hook or by crook.

Such thought reveals the power of the mind and motivation. As you can see, I’ve put off reading that novel for quite some time since I really didn’t want to finish it before. However, when I told myself to go for it, I did and even surprised myself with how fast I breezed through the novel. (Don’t get me wrong, I still savored what the novel had to offer)

Tasks seem not like tasks if you think they aren’t and if you set a realistic goal to achieve. Thinking that you can and will achieve something is the first step in doing so. Thinking otherwise then leads to nothing for how can you achieve something if you don’t even think you can in the first place. It’s all in the mind as they say.

Certainly, you’ll encounter distractions and temptations along the way but you have to keep your focus and eye on the prize. Chant deep inside you the desired goal and never let your mind wander into thinking that the goal is too lofty to reach or that what you’ve done is already enough. Unless you can say you’ve achieved your goal and you’re happy, you should never even think about ending your run to the top.

And when you do reach your goal, always remember how it all began and how that first step of thinking that you can and will achieve that goal set your journey in the right motion.

Positive thinking leads to positive results. Thus, always think you can and you will because nothing is impossible if you will it passionately and act on it fervently.

No Regrets (mistakes), Just Love (blessings)

Keeping in theme with delayed blog entries, I’m writing this as a reaction to the recent Miss Universe pageant with my beauty pageant fanatic hat on.

One of pastimes/ways to irritate people is to ask them random questions. While some are purely concocted from my imagination, some of them have actually been derived from past beauty pageants such as “What is the essence of a woman?” (can you say 1994?) and “What makes you blush?” If I haven’t been hit by the time I finish the question, people usually answer them with a grain of truth about their life. And being the competitive biatch that I am, I also try to answer my own question just so they could hear how a self-trained trying hard beauty pageant fanatic would answer it. Insert person slapping me hard at this moment.

Thus, I just had to answer Ms. Venus Raj’s question after the local news’ sensationalism of her supposed “major, major” blunder. I’ve read quite a lot of answers on the internet but I choose to have mine simple and void of highfaluting language. (Apparently not after I’ve finished writing it)

To refresh your memory, the question was "What is one big mistake that you have made in your life and what did you do to make it right?"

“Good evening, Las Vegas! A very good question to ask indeed. If ever there’s one mistake I consider the biggest, it’s treating mistakes as awful things that have hindered my development as an individual. Recently, I’ve realized that mistakes are always blessings in disguise since we learn from them and become better individuals. I wouldn’t become the person I’m becoming and meant to become if it weren’t for the mistakes I’ve made in the past. Thus, a simple rule, count your mistakes as blessings and count your blessings! And be thankful of course! Thank you very much!”

Your thoughts, dear reader? Too saccharine for your taste? Haha. But that’s how a pageant contestant should answer. Well, might be too long. What the heck?! Moving on…

Living in this day and age where fierce competition devours those who commit even the most trivial of mistakes, it’s difficult to make room for error. Sometimes, one should even get it on the first run or else you’re deemed as slow and incompetent. Charging it to experience seems more of an excuse rather than a typical humane course of action. If you let this thinking seep into your ego, then you’re definitely in danger of losing belief in yourself. It could very well all go downhill from there and eventually end in an abyss of self-doubt and blame.

If you feel that you’ve made far too many mistakes and you’re on the verge of breaking down, sit down, breathe and tell yourself, “Nobody’s perfect. I’m human and I’m not perfect but I’m blessed.”

List down the mistakes you’ve committed and see how they all positively contribute to who you are right now. No matter how trivial it helped, it still did and you have to thank yourself for committing that mistake for you wouldn’t learn what you did without that experience. Afterwards, reflect on how these are really blessings in disguise. And laugh and/or smile for you became a better person because of these mistakes.

Then, list down all the blessings you’ve received in the past year, month, week or even day and be thankful for the blessings you’ve been showered with. Repeat process every time you try to bang your head for committing yet another mistake until you’ve finally realized how every waking moment of your life is a blessing!

We are all blessed even in the simplest of ways. We always just have to remember it and count our blessings especially in moments when we feel that the whole world is ganging up on us.

If you know me and my blog site from before, you may have known my entry about a certain someone being tagged as the biggest mistake of my life. Of course, back then, I was this brooding, depressed and vengeful college kid so absorbed in his self-inflicted misfortune. But things have changed. (Hopefully!) Right now, I’m just thankful for everything that has happened in my life and count all the blessings and blessings in disguise that have come my way. And definitely, one of those blessings in disguise is you. You know who you are even if you won’t probably even bother to read this. (spiteful much?)

But yeah, I’ve learned a lot from that experience with you and have considered them as blessings that have helped me realize that I am blessed. I have always been and always will be. Hopefully, you do too.

And as my favorite line from Katy Perry’s chart-topping Teenage Dream would go,

“No regrets, just love.”

A Taste of Vendetta?

Since I don’t have internet access at home, I’m blogging this entry on a word document haha talk about semi-cheating writing an entry. But hey, this might probably be better since I’m writing while the thoughts are fresh in my head. Actually, this entry should have been written a month ago but as you probably figured out in my past entry, I was too busy for a blog entry the past month. Thus, the entry being published a month late. I know I promised and hopefully I shall be able to keep it from now on.

Since I chose to have this week off, I’ve been able to run errands such as opening my bank account, have my annual physical exam, get a haircut and renew my Laking National Card. Of course, the better half is just having all my time concentrated on leisurely endeavors such as having dinner with friends, updating my itunes and enjoying music from the past decade. I missed turning the volume up and just listening to music you love. And I’ve done it quite a few times this past week. My grandma’s probably praying that I get back to work sometime soon so that the house will be quiet again. Haha.

I also finished Steve Berry’s Paris Vendetta yesterday. Definitely up in the ranks of the Berry novels I’ve read. Probably even the best? It’s not your typical Berry book though since the historical fiction element gets a little toned down (but it’s still there!). However, the drama and dilemma are taken up a notch which enhances Berry’s already superb writing. For those who like Dan Brown, you’d definitely love Steve Berry! I’d lend you Paris Vendetta so you can see for yourself!

Though I’ve got this major, major urge to share with you my after-novel thoughts, I’ll keep shush so that I won’t play spoiler to those who want to read. However, I’d still like to share something and promise that it doesn’t give away one bit. Or so I think.

After reading the novel, I realized that seeking revenge can be likened to rubbing salt on an open wound. Instead of letting the process of healing take its place, it rouses the pain again. The vendetta-seeker gets so consumed by this urge to cause pain that inflicts it not only on the person s/he seeks revenge on but also on her/him and even the people around her/him. Thus, it creates a vicious and painful cycle which only worsens the wound. S/he ends up hurting more and more people and the rift deeper than before. It becomes even more difficult as the pain becomes more intense since rationality gets thrown out the window most of the time and the vendetta-seeker operates only on her/his emotions. A surefire disaster in the making.

There’s no escaping unless s/he does an act which betrays the twisted logic the vendetta-seeker follows: forgiving.

Forgiveness might seem unfair especially after a tragic loss but it initiates the all-important process of moving on and letting go. We all seek justice for the terrible things that have happened to us. However, we have to trust it to the higher being that everything does happen for a reason and that a greater authority shall handle the justice that we seek to serve with our own hands.

Through forgiveness, we take the first step towards healing our wounds and realizing that awful things happen even to the best people. Vital here then will be to reflect, remember and learn from the experience. Only then can we be freed from the pain we seek to purge with which we fail miserably at when we play the game of vendetta.

Take the first step today! Call up, text or message someone who’ve hurt you in the past and tell them, “I forgive you.” It might be difficult at first but the lighter feeling afterwards is definitely worth it. Of course, don’t force yourself if you cannot tell those words honestly! It’ll only worsen the feeling. Thus, be truthful and real in the sense that you do forgive him/her when you tell him/her!

Revenge is a dish best served cold as they say but it might be better if this seemingly scrumptious dish won’t served at all.