On Completing Simbanggabi

I only have tonight’s anticipated mass to attend to complete the nine-day novena mass for the first time ever.

Some say though that technically I won’t be able to complete the Simbanggabi this year. I wasn’t able to attend the anticipated mass for the fourth one because our volunteers’ party and I wasn’t able to wake up for the actual dawn one. Instead, I attended the regular Sunday mass. Keeping the dawn tradition in mind, then I’d have to agree with them and surrender to the fact that I technically did not complete Simbanggabi this year.

However, if we peel off the dawn mass tradition and just see it as a 9-day novena in preparation for Christmas, then I have completed the said novena. I don’t really care if I won’t complete it based on such technicality and that I won’t be able to get my supposed wish to come true. I know He won’t grant my wish if only for the dawn mass I did not attend. Besides, there’s a certain aspect to my wishes that I do know He’ll grant it no matter what. ☺

Sometimes, despite having the best of intentions, we fall short of expectations and supposedly commit blunders because of technicalities and trivialities when they shouldn’t matter in the first place. In such times, maybe we should look beyond the shallowness and see a person’s true intentions and the goodness of one’s actions.

One missed dawn mass does not make one’s intention or deed less real. As long as the motivation to pursue the good is there, the trivial things would not matter.

A Stumble to Convince

We cannot escape the truth. No matter how much we like it or not and how hard we try to fight the inevitable, destiny will still run its course. Thus, anticipating and eventually accepting the inevitable seems always the most plausible option.

But sometimes, when we have conceived our idea of the inevitable and convinced ourselves of it, life lets us stumble on people, things or events which lead us rethink our own forecast of the inevitable. A friendly nudge, so to speak.

Believing that nothing is merely coincidental, I often loosen my grip on my perception of the inevitable and open myself to the previously overlooked possibility. Though in limbo between the sorrowful comfort of acceptance and the chancy adventure that is hope, I am blessed to realize that anything can happen and will happen if it’s meant to happen.

My desired inevitable shall only happen if I both accept and hope at the same time. If I use what I currently have right now and pursue the thing I hope for, chances are I’ll be much closer to my desired inevitable. And who does not want to reach that, right?

Recently, I have almost come to terms with the fact that I probably am meant to be alone. But happy, of course. Yet, more recently, life has showed me through a blog, a fictional character and being reminded of a film I watched last year, that somehow and somewhere, the elusive thing I am looking for exists.

I just have to have the courage, openness and hope to find it.

In Response to Monch's 08/07/06 entry (Turnback Tuesday)

From now on, Blast from the Past entries shall be posted on Tuesdays and shall now be known as Turnback Tuesday. For this week, I decided to borrow an entry from my livejournal. One of the few pearls in a sea of rants and suicidal messages. Forgive me if I cannot properly cite my sources for this entry. I cannot remember Monch's circa 2006 blogsite anymore. Anyway, enjoy!

I wanted to comment on his entry but i just could not limit myself to posting a mere comment. Here's the excerpt:

I’m just beginning to ask myself: is there a limit in loving (or at least infatuation)? I guess when we push ourselves too much, when we give it our all and when we just don’t suppress that feeling even if it has to be suppressed, we may think that the limit does not exist. But then, we realize after some time that there is a limit to such foolishness. We realize a lot of new things about the other party, we learn new stuff, we get to know each other better, we get involved in a lot of petty pointless fights, we feel the bitterness, we feel the pain, we experience the pain. And after all these, we get tired that we simply just want to forget everything and leave it all behind.

In my opinion, loving someone does not know any limits. Foolish acts and foolish things at they may seem, these are but just manifestations of that kind of love you ought to give. The realizations and pain are parts of the process that we get involved in once we decide to create something special with someone else. Yes, the case could be the one of being bitter, tired and painful but is that all that one can react to such unfortunate events in one's relation with the other?

I guess not. Walking away feeling bitter from somebody you thought you love is a sign that indeed the love that you have isn't that true. Love isn't bitter. It is forgiving and understanding.

Leaving it all behind without the bitterness and pain points to a more genuine form of love. If you really love somebody, then you should learn to let go of that somebody if you believe that it's the better choice for the both of you. of course, pain is inevitable but if you possess such a genuine kind of love, then the searing pain would eventually go away.

So does that stop you from loving someone? Is that the limit, for me, the excerpt is trying to express? I guess not. One of the most ultimate forms of love is loving even if somebody has gone away from you. Sacrificing your own happiness and satisfaction just to see the person you love somewhat happier with the new life you have given to him or her. Of course, the new chapter does not merit you to totally forget about the love you have for that person. Loving him or her still just as you do before shows the genuine love you have for that person. It is a love which transcends boundaries and survives even the most difficult situations in our lifetime.

Letting go of someone is part of loving that someone. And loving should not stop there. Even if you have parted ways, the love you had before should still be there and always be there till the end of time.

A love that endures time, transcends limitations and takes absence for presence is a rare kind of love one should cherish.

I bet you think this blog is about you

To those who personally know me, how many times do you think I have written an entry because of you? If you answer more than once then I bet you think this blog is about you.

However, it’s definitely not the case because I haven’t had anyone single-handedly influencing an entry. Sorry, folks!

Before this entry shatters your fantasy, I’d like to tell you that such idea and behavior are normal. When we read, the phrases and paragraphs that capture our attention the most are the ones which seem to speak to us the most. We adapt the material to our own needs in order that it makes the most sense to us. Think of horoscope. It’s something written for general audience but it seems to speak only to you when you interpret it.

Sometimes, we even go beyond and have the illusion that such article was written especially because of us. An exaggeration of the Spotlight Effect, belief that others are paying more attention to one’s appearance and behavior than they really are (David Myers). Bluntly, it could be read as others don’t care about you and your life as much as you do and believe them to do. Face it, Tan, not everyone is as interested in yourself as much as you are. Face it, honey, not everyone is as interested in yourself as much as you are.

Thus, take everything with a grain of salt unless the article blatantly states that it’s especially written for you. Reflect on how appropriate, valuable and valid your realizations are before you follow through.

To end on a positive note, in a way, veering ourselves away from the perils of Spotlight Effect liberates us. Such insight empowers us to focus on what we really want and pursue our own look and actions without becoming conscious of what others would say or feel. Of course, only to an extent still respectful, sensitive and non-injurious of others.

And yes, for once, that entry was about you.

A Mathematical Pitfall to Avoid

Quick exercise: Would these pickup lines land you a date?

My love for you is like dividing by zero…it’s undefined.

You must be sin squared, because I'm cosine squared and together we equal one.

I love you like pi…it’s neverending.

Whatever your answer is and no matter how nerdy and sometimes bizarre their lovechild lines seem to be, you cannot deny that the language of math can be used to express one’s love and admiration.

However, infusing math in relationships does not always yield a peculiar yet pleasant solution. If there’s one thing we’d need to avoid, it’s quantifying the time and effort we spend in loving someone.

For those who have had or are currently in a relationship, there has probably come a time when you asked yourself if your partner gives the same amount of commitment as you do. A definite question to avoid since it potently leads to resentment. For most if not all of the time, somebody shows his/her love more and the other shows his/her love less. Very rarely that people show the same amount of love.

Measuring our relationships then could only lead us to taint the love we share and possibly its end. Instead, we should center our relationship on why we love in the first place, its raison d'être or reason for being. Love knows no numbers.

Thus, forget the number of times you have/have missed hugs, kisses and sweet exchanges because, as the song goes, what matters most is that you love and you are loved.

And in the end, that is all that will matter.

The Most Brave

What do these actions all have in common?

To surrender

To admit defeat

To admit that you’re scared

To avoid the risk

To call for help

Aren’t they all heavily-associated with cowardice? And in a world where the brave are esteemed highly, engaging in such actions proves to be a proverbial suicide. The brave may not live long but the cautious does not live at all, as a saying goes.

Before this entry becomes an assault of supposedly cowardly actions, I would like you to clear your mind first of any prejudice against these actions and any person/s you’ve branded as a coward. Closed-mindedness reflects cowardice too, you know. But that’s another entry altogether.

Seemingly cowardly actions do not always equate to cowardice. Matter of fact, they sometimes display a brand of bravery we often most overlook. Being brave doesn’t only include facing things head on, being afraid of nothing, taking the risk or doing things chivalrously alone. It also includes surrendering when it’s the most appropriate thing to do and admitting to your own shortcomings.

Sometimes, the bravest thing to do is to admit defeat or fear. Such action doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a coward. It just means that you know that it’s the best course of action to take.

The most brave are those who know that they are human. They are well-aware of their weaknesses and need for others and know that not all battles could be won. They are not afraid of fear, defeat and support. They even embrace their being human and use their experience to have a better grasp of what bravery entails.

Thus, the brave, despite occasional admittance of fear and defeat, do live long while the coward, who believes himself as brave, may not live long and does not live at all.

Simply Simple

I passed by a prominent international brand’s boutique last Sunday and their window display caught my attention. Actually, I was just waiting for my mother to finish her Christmas Carol CD purchase and the boutique was just beside the record shop.

With nothing better to do, I channeled my inner (supposed) fashionista and decided to critique the three photos in the display. One photo was all about colors as the model wore different shades of the rainbow from head to toe. I guess the photographer wanted the colors’ dynamics to evoke inspiration. Sadly, it seemed over the top and left me uninspired. However, the other two photos were simply showed models fashionably clad. Though simpler, they left me with a positive vibe. Even though the photos were simple, they made me want to buy their jackets if only I had more money.

The verdict then: less is more.

I have always been a fan of the minimal and the un-fancy. You don’t need to be elaborate to evoke your desired outcome. You just have to make sure that all the essential elements are there and they all work and contribute to the accomplishment of your goal. Sometimes, the simple even works better than the elaborate since only the essential remain. The simple simply achieves.

Such experience highlights the need for us to be simple and live simply. When we dispose all the unnecessary clutter in our lives and only the essential remain, only then will we begin to fully realize what it is to be human.

It’s that simple.