214 Oreos

I’ve never really consciously celebrated Valentine’s save for that one time back in 2005. But this weekend has been all sorts of amazing because I opened myself up to a different kind of Valentine’s. One that celebrates love in all its forms. I started with regaining my love for my work the past Friday and Saturday, continuing it over the weekend with time celebrating it with my friends and family and ending it today with the person I forget the most to love, myself.

I hope everyone will have/had a blast today. I did. And you will if you open yourself up to the true meaning of this special day. 

Happy Valentine’s everyone!

214

At the end of the day…

if you’re in a relationship, after your own date, dinner and/or all the couple-y things you’ve done…

or if you’re single, after your own dinner or gimmick or round of drinks or whatever with other single friends (single awareness as others would call it) to ease the aching and longing of your heart…

And no matter how de/mystified, blissful or miserable, un/bitter you feel about Valentine’s…

Even Brighter than the Moon, Moon, Moon

There are times in life when we hit rock bottom. But there are times when life hits us even harder and vanquishes us into the inescapable darkness.

For me, that occurred around four years ago. I was weathering a tough time in my life. Sometimes, I even found myself on the verge of losing the battle to my then suicidal tendencies. I remember how occasionally the pain inside was so bad I had to constantly hit my thighs to ease it. Yeah, it was that excruciating.

When you’re in such state, you’d feel as if the pain shall last forever and that nothing could ever ease it no matter how hard anyone tries. And so you trap yourself in the inescapable pitch-black room of gloom with only suicide looking like the most viable solution.

But that shouldn’t be the case. Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. And you won’t need to suffer in the dark if you just ignite the light. (Yes, this entry is inspired by Katy Perry’s Firework)

The only person who could let you out of that room of gloom is you. You’re never going to make it out unless you let happiness from within shine and overpower the suffering. If you ignite that light in you and let it ease the pain, then you’d be able to lead yourself out of the darkness you’ve so been used to for so long.

It won’t be as easy though as singing Firework. It took me around two years to escape. However, you could definitely do so much better than that. If ever there’s one advice I’d like to leave, you just got to keep that spark of happiness in you alight and own your night.

And when you’ve escaped that room of gloom, go boom, boom, boom, and be even brighter than the moon, moon, moon!

Shortest Straw (Turnback Tuesdays)

Given the recent turn of events, I had an entry in mind for our weekly TT. However, I've posted the entry last week. So I chose another one from my tabulas blog that still follows my current mood.

well, day started out a little rough for me coz i was late for my class. hehe. im really sorry i just woke up late. anyway, i taught then went to samboy to catch a glimpse of the amazing race hehe. tar just rocks. after that went to gateway and stayed there until around 5. then we headed to kamirori for sean's despedida. aww, my fellow reality tv freak is leaving for the states. we will surely miss you!

I remember one class back in third year where i felt that God was playing me. Well, there was this seatwork where i knew all of the answers except for one number. I mean gladly raised my hand early on so that i won't be called for that number. I think it was twelfth in a 20 item seatwork. But the numbers just kept creeping towards number twelve and finally the horror became reality. I got called to answer number twelve. God. I felt so cheated back then. Well, i got the wrong answer and i felt bad. haha talk about being shallow but i really wanted to impress eh. It was in the first few weeks of classes.

Well, moral of the anecdote, prepare for the worst. haha. it's sorta not like that but it somewhat says that. i mean sometimes the you think of scenarios that would most likely happen and there's always this one which you'll be most miserable after that scenario. You'd think that it's just in movies tht the worst case happens and it rarely does in real life. But truth be told, it often happens. I mean just something bad happening to you is the worst thing which could happen to you. get it? Haha. Well, maybe it's not always the worst, i mean that person should be so unlucky then if he always gets the shortest straw.

i believe that He's not playing tricks on us. He really wants us to get the shortest straw sometimes. It's really not a bad thing come to think of it. Well for me it's not coz i believe that God won't give us something He knows we couldn't handle. I mean why would He manipulate all of these events so that we could get the shortest straw if it's for nothing. (Well, it sounds bad but when you replace it with good events this becomes all the more good, hehe) God always wants us to learn from these things. He wants us to experience the worst so that we could get something from it and turn ourselves into the best people we could be.

Everything happens for a reason.

We are Never Too Young

I don’t think God or the universe has made it clearer for me to do or be something than the events that have transpired the past weekend, our college leadership camp on physical and spiritual wellness and losing one of my high school classmates to cardiac arrest.

More than the obvious appeal to become more well, the weekend reminded me not to take anybody special for granted for I may never have the time I think I have to make them feel how special they are to me.

Show them just how special they make you feel and make every moment count. We are never too young to live today. We are never too young to love today.

Darryl, I heard you’ve become a video-editing expert while you pursued being a doctor. Now that you’re happily with Him, pray for us that we edit and heal ourselves. You will sorely be missed. Until we meet again!

If you just said it before...

I would have believed your insight more.

On the way home tonight, I reflected on an entry I came across a few days ago on tumblr. In a gist, the author compared previous and current posts, realized how happier he is right now and advised those who follow him to live the life and be happy as well.

I wanted to tell him that yeah that advice seems real to you now that you’re happy. But would you have said that at the time you said that you were depressed? I would not think so. (A product of me recently channeling the black swan as I’d like to call it.)

The reason I’m quite unmoved by such statement is that he said it at a time wherein it’s expected of him to say it. Sometimes, it’s not just about what we say and how we say it but when we say it as well. Statements uttered during moments they seem unexpected or forbidden are often more meaningful than those which are uttered in moments where they are expected to be uttered. Words seem emptier and less forceful.

Thus, speak the truth especially when it seems unspeakable or counterintuitive for it renders words more powerful and longer lasting.

Can't spoil it for you. You have to wait and see (Turnback Tuesdays)

We begin February with an entry I wrote in June 2005. If you are disinterested about my life at that time, you may skip to the 3rd paragraph. I won't mind. You know how I tend to write verbose and this one's just one of the many which proves it very much. Enjoy! 

This is the first college weekend which has me drowning in stuff to do for the next week. Well, i've got 2 botany reports to make and i have to know my japanese lessons by heart. Gosh, now i want my math subject back. Haha. No, i'm sticking with my japanese classes. It's much more tolerable to have fun with a new language than to have "fun" with numbers and formulas. Formulas and numbers which have bugged me through my high school life. Grarg. But i'll be meeting them for one last time, i hope, next summer. By then, i'd be lost in those formulas again. Lord, help me remember my high school math.

It's such a bummer that Marlo will be leaving in a week for Canada. I'll relly miss him because he has provided me a lot of inspiration, heart and...gossip. Haha kidding. The Philippines will soon be losing someone great once again. Well, i know we'll be seeing one another once again in the future because we're aiming for the same career path and that is biologocal research. We're excited about discovering the elixir of life, ain't it Marlo? haha.

Yesterday we watched Big Fish for literature. Well, we're not yet done with the film but thoughts have already played in my mind. Shucks, i should've watched it last summer because it was shown for the TD kids but i had to figure out a way to have my merienda back for the kids. Long story there but to cut it short, the kids got to have the merienda the next day. Haha. Well, as i said, some thoughts. Actually only one about knowing the end of something.

Well there are always pros and cons about things. A good thing bout knowing the end is that you'll know that something which pops up won't really end the thing you are doing. Let's take what the film uses as an example, life. If you know when you are going to die, then you'll know that things which will come your way will just hurt you and not kill you. It will give you the courage to face your worst fears and do certain heroic acts which are a big incentive for someone wanting to be idolized by many.

But i believe that knowing the end is trash. Well, the saying begin with the end in mind doesn't assure us of knowing the end for that something because we are only striving for something and we still do not know if we will achieve our goal. Knowing the end is trash because it takes out the spice of life that is not knowing the future holds for us. Sure we won't have the courage to face something because we know that it won't kill us but that courage could be dug from somewhere within us and we could still be heroic without knowing what will happen to us. As proof, there are many heroes we've idolized and none of them knew there end. Well, except for those sentenced to death but that's another thing.

Life is meant to be lived without us knowing what the future holds for us. It is that aspect of life which makes it exciting and worth living. I love the spontaneity that life brings us. It makes us up on our feet and anticipate whatever it brings. There'll be hard breaks, that's a part of it. But everything else is worth something to live for.

Live life. Love life. Never fear death.

(I hope that i can have this attitude.)

Five years later, I'm still a work in progress in terms of this but hey, I know I've made leaps and bounds!