A Stamp for being Most Self-controlled

On my way home, I passed by too much inconvenience that normally, I would have screamed at the quarreling Romeo and Juliet to shut the effing up and just break their damned relationship off.

But that's normally. Since I've been trying to always be positive lately, I kept my cool and just brushed the incidents off. Thus, day 2 of my happyness experiment and I'm still very much in the thick of things.

I just wish i'd always muster the strength to control myself from lashing out at the slightest irritation.

On to positive things now!

HAPPYNESS TODAY:

1. Trike ride from Xavier to hagdan

Saved me much time and effort from walking

2. Accomplishments after meeting with Sir Steve and Sir Balaoing

Who doesn't want a feeling of accomplishment right? Especially during such hectic week

3. Time management book!

i have a new book to read! Seemingly self-help but what the heck! Excited for it!

4. Cello's doughnuts

Choco-oreo and caramel doughnuts LOVE

5. Self-controlled Tan

The positive thinking framework is working!

GRATEFUL TODAY:

1. Comments in FB

Kahit i-attribute niyo sa kalandian ang status ko, ok lang dahil wholesome naman talaga iyan

2. Randomness talk with ate len

Nothing beats going home with a conversation with ate len

3. M&M's and Kitkat and Ryan's leftover biscuits

Swear. Munching monster much ako kanina haha

4. Arriving at 715 am

It jumpstarted my day and left me feeling accomplished already even if it was only 1030am

5. having no need to wake up early tomorrow

Tomorrow's my complete sleeping hours day so I don't have to catch the 615 departure for AHS

Happiness and gratitude starts here

Since I left my key in the office and nobody was set to arrive in the next 30 minutes (the first person actually arrived 45 minutes after. Good decision, Tan!), I decided to head to the library, it being the place that I love to hang out recently. I needed internet access by the way so I went to their version of the RSF comp lab (read: tanders na) and logged in. While waiting, I decided to check out the online psych journals since I'm in the middle of this disillusionment that I'd be a psych grad student some day. One of the journals I glanced through was about nostalgia and attachment-avoidance. I really didn't get to absorb the article but all I can remember, if I got it correctly, was that nostalgic people usually low attachment-avoidance since they'd always fondly share memories with people and remain securely attached. (Not really sure but hey it's all about how it registered in my head so...haha)

Of course, the thing that stuck to me was nostalgia. And how I'm really a person who breathes memories. Blessed/cursed with rather good memory, I've learned to enjoy reminiscing about the years gone by. Conversation with common friends are usually about our past misfortunes, triumphs and the rest in between. It's comforting being reminded of the sweet and young life you've had before, knowing you'd want to go back to the happier moments of your life and relive the experience over and over again.

I'd want that when I grow older. When I become 25, 30, heck even 50. (Cannot imagine how I'll be when I'm 50 though) But some time soon, my memory shall fail me and that's why I'd need to write them down somewhere. Hopefully, this blog will still be accessible 27-28 years from now so I might still be able to read back and cherish on the thoughts I've had at this point of my life.

I'm actually doing that already. Looking at my petty yet content 16 year old self around six years ago, I remember how naive I was and how much different I viewed the world. I don't want to deprive my 28 year old self of that. I still want to look back six years from now and read how I raved and ranted and lived and loved my life. Hopefully, that future Tan will tell himself, "wow, he's been through a lot but starting 22, he surely became much more positive and better."

I can't do it on facebook one-line status messages alone. I can't live on that. I don't want to look back and read through the one-liners which sometimes aren't even mine to begin with. However, given the change in responsibilities, I don't think I can blog as lengthy as I am doing now. Thus, for times like those, win-win situation would be to list down five SPECIFIC things that made me happy today and five other ones that I'm thankful for today. At least, though those entries will be short, they'd be words or even sentences that could prime myself whenever remembering the moments I've been through. If ever I don't get to post, it means that I have to post them the next time. Basta, you get the idea! So it'll either be just the happyness things or a post with happyness things. Certainly the latter is preferred but we'll see :p

And so we begin today:

HAPPYNESS IS:

1. The new Rizal Library

I super duper love staying there. Sorry, but I really find it better than our previous library or baka lang I miss staying in the lib lang and sleeping for hours. Haha.

2. Banoffee pie slice for dinner dessert

Finally got to a slice of banoffee pie I bought from banapple!

3. Finishing the social psych book last monday.

I just had to put this haha proud accomplishment of a frustrated psych undergrad student

4. Terrified before and now Love the way you lie by Eminem feat. Rihanna LSS the whole day

Currently listening to these two songs the most. As in stuck on a youtube tab where'd I play it anytime I want music while working haha

5. Kenny's dinner with Deens

Of course, winner of the day! Nothing beats chatting over dinner with a pal you haven't seen and talked to in a while. Kahit isa itong malaking pagpapanggap, salamat Deens!

6. The tantannatnat revival!

Woot! Sana tuloy-tuloy na ito just like the happyness that's in me!

THANK YOU FOR:

1. Ride from Kenny's to u-turn c/o Deens and mom

Saved time and energy much!

2. Phone call from dad

Even though it seems that we only talk about how my day has been, I really appreciate your call, dad. Love you and always take care!

3. Rizal Library

New found haven and saved me 45 minutes of waiting today.

4. Feeling better as the day went on

I really felt sick at the beginning of the day. Actually thought of backing out of dinner with Deens but good thing I felt better as the day progressed

5. Positive thinking!

This changed perspective, though I'm still a novice, really works and unburdens me! Nothing's impossible with a positive mind!

Most probably the format would change but spare me for this first entry. Thanks and toodles!

PUHKUHINIT

I think this is the worst I've reacted to the heat in years. I always feel hot and sweat a lot nowadays which I don't usually do. It has even affected my sleeping habits since I usually wake up in the middle of the night feeling oh so hot. Ergo, my body clock has been jammed yet again. And it has become quite a problem especially that I cannot seem to get into the working groove. I've accomplished quite a few tasks though but I know I could have done more if it weren't that hot.

It might be a sign that I'm aging or it might be a sign for us to buy a new aircon. Haha. Oh well, I just really hope that this heat would soon subside. I want Christmas and December already! Haha.

Lame entry but it's really hot and cannot think well right now. Tomorrow should be a different story.

on jealousy

It's 3am in the morning and I'm wide awake. I've actually already slept but it's too hot to be comfortable sleeping now. And since I slept quite early last night, I missed the chance of writing an entry for the fourth consecutive day. Oh well, here I am now writing as I cool down myself from the deliberations I had a while ago. I'm not really that done yet but the files i need are in the office so I'll just wait for the sun to rise and head on to the office to hopefully finish my deliberations.

Yesterday, in between the awkwardness of being with a guy I only know as a friend of my friend and our crazy common friend who's a girl by the way, jealousy was discussed in passing. I think they were talking about their own special someones when guy told girl that his was similar with hers because they both get jealous because of the simplest things. Of course, the girl insisted that their special someones are different but the guy said they're similar because they get jealous over simple nothings. Their argument went on but the guy mentioned somewhere along the way that girls should feel flattered if their guy gets jealous because it means that they're really into them. The girl then blushed and I hated it. Haha.

It got me thinking about my own dose of jealousy. And I realized how pathetic I am being jealous over something I'm not supposed to get jealous of. Haha. I'm jealous of people I shouldn't be jealous about because there's really nothing there to be jealous about. Haha. Well, my insecurities over certain things in my life shine through because I crave for things that I'll probably never get. Oh well, I just need to come to terms with some of these insecurities and I shall be okay. I just hope that when the time comes that I'll have something or somebody to be jealous about, I won't be as petty as the two people mentioned above seem.

But of course, with how I am now, that seems so far from real.

this nameless, faceless game we play

Okay, blogging was supposed to be postponed for a little bit later but then I'm installing something for my new macbook and it seems that it's going to take a little while. Since I cannot waste time just surfing the net, here I am yapping yet again about life even though I've probably nobody who reads my blog. Haha.

Well, dito ko unang tatanungin kung ano ba ang magandang pangalan para sa aking bagong macbook, pito ang pangalang pinagpipilian ko (ganoon ako kalandi with names btw) haha Ganymede, Harbin, Magni, Titan or Zelig kapag lalaki or Cayenne or Zvezda kapag babae siya. Paano pa kaya kung totoong baby ang papangalanan ko, good luck. Haha. Of course, don't assume na baby ko ang pangangalanan ko dahil most probably hindi mangyayari iyon.

Stress release ko kanina ang pag-omegle. Omegle has been super fun to use lalo na ang simpleng panggagago sa mga "strangers." I know, I know, karma will be of catastrophic proportions for me. However, stress release eh. It's fun just playing and saying nonsense to people you randomly meet and you'll never meet again. Tulad nga ng kinagagalitan ni Caramel, anonymity makes you courageous enough to fool around and tell people how you really feel.

Of course, in this faceless conversation, you shouldn't really expect something productive or something brilliant to come out of it. Haha. Well, omegle is just there to seek a temporary respite from your own world and become a fool even for just a single conversation.

It really helps this contrived and supposedly prim and proper kid let loose once in a while. A time to be the gago he really is and play the pranks he dare not play on people. It should stop, I know 'cause it's quite harmful. But forgive me for enjoying it a little too much. I'll stop with it soon, promise.

But for now, let me play this nameless, faceless game that I'm playing and channel this inner kagaguhan in me into something quite more harmless.

Omegle now, anyone? (As if we'll be matched haha)

Second time this 2010 should be a charm

I told myself that i'll be sleeping at 10:30pm today but then I told myself yesterday that I'll be blogging regularly from now on. Haha. I think I'll just sneak in this quick entry before I call it a night. It has been quite a productive work night and I'm glad I've crossed off some things to do for work tomorrow as now I can breathe a little better. Haha.

Today is Easter Sunday. After Christmas, it's probably my most favorite time of the Catholic year since it stands for rebirth and a new life. Brighter days. Summer sunshine. Sunflower fields. Cool breezy day by the beach. The day just ushers this feeling of lightness and optimism and hope. Definitely hope. And as always, being the great begin-ner that I am, I'll probably start the week more right than before tomorrow. Waking up earlier than I usually do and being much more positive than I usually am. I've found myself to be like that. To greatly begin.

However, just like what I recently experienced this past start of the year, a month or even a week or two into this new regimen of mine, I seem to falter and return to my old self. And sometimes, even worse. I don't know, I think it's more of an issue of self-control rather than an issue of having sustainable and attainable goals. I know that I'm the go-getter type of person who just sometimes needs to control himself a little more because he gets easily distracted.

Maybe I'm still in this stage wherein I need external motivators to get me going with the tasks I need to do. Now, with the calendar program with my macbook and iphone, I find myself more motivated to face the challenges because I have an idea when they'll occur and I've got a plan on how to deal with them. Maybe then it's not just self-control but this innate inclination towards planning and structure in me that will keep me afloat in this new routine that I plan for myself. Thus, greatly begin with plans but follow through with self-control!

Hopefully, this new formula i have for myself will leave me sustaining the new routine I've planned out for myself. Here's to another go at being a rejuvenated person!

Lord, grant me endurance. Amen.

Obvious ba?

Hello dear reader,

Holy week has gone by oh so fast. It's already saturday and work shall be knocking at my door again come monday. Anyway, I'd forever remember this holy week 'cause it's the week i bought my new macbook. Haha. After much hullabaloo, I finally got one last Wednesday. Though I'm still in the process of adjusting to the mac, I find myself falling in love with it everyday that I use it. Kaya nga siguro ako napa-blog ngayon 'cause I feel like I'm Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. Huwat?! Haha. Sana lang may letter sender ako so that I can answer questions about love. Love doctor daw? Haha. But anyway, if you do have any questions, just ask me in my formspring account. And I can answer you either through e-mail or whatever channel you want me to answer through.

I'm currently trying to finish reading a textbook. Wait, before you brand me as a nerd, I'm trying to read about Development Psychology in preparation for my dream Psychology masteral studies. It's a dream 'cause I ain't sure if I'm really going to be able to pursue it in the future. Well, I'm actually quite sure but I'm just not sure when I'll be having my masters abroad. Financial matters. Haha. If you know someone who can sponsor me, then please introduce me to him/her. I'm really very much willing to pursue graduate studies in psychology, preferably social psych. Then why be reading developmental psychology now? Well, per the psych people's advice, it's good to read about it first before moving on to social because the latter assumes that I know some concepts from development psychology.

Anyway, dev psych is an interesting read as psychology is in general. I'm learning much about how this painstaking process that is called growing up. And with dev psych, I can say that I could identify with most of the things that have been written in the book such as cognitive development, the awkward teenage years and my favorite, the adolescent identity crisis. I've only read till the adolescent stage though and I'm very much looking forward to the future chapters.

I wanted to talk about my own crises and the journey I took to arrive at who I am now but I'm saving that for my next blog entry. Haha. Medyo mahaba-haba atang usapan iyon. However, what I'd like to say here, para naman may sense kahit papaano itong entry na ito, is that, iba talaga ang perspective when you're actually going through it and once you've gotten past it. I mean yeah you might be screaming at the screen and saying, "Pakatanga mo naman, Tan! Too obvious!" but is it really that obvious? Well, something to think about kasi alam ko, when most of my friends have tried banging my head on the wall, the simple solution was never really that obvious.

At para sa'yo, sana maging obvious na ang solusyon na gusto namin para sa'yo. And no, this ain't for someone you might think is too obvious.